Was my snark, deck-’em write day, cruel riffs would I bare—
Harm telling choleric, sniping not wholly fair.
Full o’ dread and dyspeptic, I paint a picture of blight;
It’s leaden, heavy, there’s no light within;
It was wrought for amiright.

There’s no good cheer. . .excoriate—
Some words of minion hell.
I started thinkin’ I would belt
Out six or seven tunes—not one a “Spell.”
Many hits I could mangle as I told of the state—
Many choices, such as corruption. . .
L.A. and Golden Gate.

Helldom. . .things don’t go-well California.[1]
Such a f**ked-up place,
Plummeting apace.
Plenty of doom in no-go-well California.
I deride and jeer in the snide rhymes here.

There’s lines ’bout nitwits who’re twisted,
A bunch of jerk-crazies sent
To Sacramento with their griftin’ ploys,
Our cash all spent.
How they scam with their whore pards,
Each comes for theft.
Some scam from the red set,
Some scam from the left. [2]

Going for the Capitol:
Geeks, grifters and swine.
After Arnold[3] is spirited from there,
Who’s the next prick in line?
All ill the choices. . .less charm than Gray.[4]
To make it, must put millions in the fight—
Without peer one pays.[5]

Seldom is it go-well California.
Such a f**ked-place,
Once had pluck and grace.
Plenty of gloom in no-go-well California.
Say “goodbyes” to here, more guys every year.

Here’s one unappealing;[6]
Her rank campaign ain’t nice.
It’s she nearly put HP on a bier—
Who’d want her advice?!
She’s seeking Boxer’s[7] chambers;
Made Campbell[8] out a beast.
She’s rabid and no sweetie-pie,
And her bitchiness increased.

Bad things for sweet temper; face gets red; BP will soar.
I’m ranting ’bout this a$$hole pack
That can make a voter sore.

These cracks are a write pan
’cause these schmoes’ plans make me grieve.
You can check out any rhymes you like
But you might retch and heave.


[1]The Golden State’s decline is the subject of “We’re the Third World.”
[2]“Calif. Clowns” and “California Demons” are about the state legislature.
[3]”Arnold’s Gone” is a premature celebration of Schwarzenegger’s impending departure from the governorship.
[4]Gray Davis, Arnold’s predecessor, forced out of office in a power grab of questionable legality.
[5]Vying for Arnold’s office are two multimillionaires on the right, Meg Whitman and Steve Poizner, and former gov. and relative pauper Jerry Brown on the left. All indications now are that Whitman will succeed in buying the election—she’s vowed to spend $150 million of her own money if necessary. These contenders are covered in “Meg,” “Mr. Brown. . . ,” and “Where Stands Poizner?”
[6,7]Carly Fiorina (“Wrecked HP”), a republican is trying to unseat Democratic Sen. Barbara Boxer. http://www.amiright.com/parody/70s/simonandgarfunkel35.shtml
[8]Fiorina ran a bizarre ad portraying sheep-fleece-clad Tom Campbell (who’s also vying for the Republication nomination in the fight against Boxer) as a liberal in conservative’s clothing—something like that. Like her “platform,” it was incoherent.