Ey, I'm not one for sumo, I'll be put in a coma, in a coma
But don't get me wrong, I would love to watch, ey, it looks like cool stuff
I'm not one for sumo, I'll be put in a coma, heh, in a coma
If I'm in that thong, I would get so crushed

Sayin' that it will be so fun? Kinda scares me, kinda scares me, ey, think I know what that means
Did you just volunteer me? Ah jeez, ey, shoulda guessed it when my ticket was free
That really scares me, really scares me, ey, I know what that grin means
It means you volunteered me, ah jeez, I can see the organisers walkin' up to me

I'm gonna do my best to tell 'em I don't want it, I'm not swole, I can't spell it
I can barely lift the crate full of Sunkist that I drink each day, it's not a healthy bev'rage
So you wouldn't wanna see me in the middle of that circle for a couple seconds, that's about my limit
Not a decent match to see, a real one-sided scrimmage, wouldn't stay to see that mess, I would just call bullshit
Yes, I will do that bad, go right through that wall, right through, right through that wall
Happily pay for this seat, what does it cost? Whatever it'll be, I'll drop the dosh
Payments put off so that I'm not squashed, plus I simply don't have the body for a thong
Wasn't part of the deal for my invitation, wait, where'd this outfit come from? Ey

I'm not one for sumo, I'll be put in a coma, in a coma
Have to scrape me off the floor once it's done, ey, that doesn't sound fun
I'm not one for sumo, I'll be put in a coma, ey, ey, in a coma
This has to be stopped 'cause I'll get so crushed (gonna get so crushed, rra)

I'm not one for sumo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo
I'm not one for sumo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo (I'm not that strong)
I'm not one for sumo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo-mo
I'm not one for sumo, -mo, -mo, -mo (if I'm still intact, you assholes, I am gonna call my fave lawyer)

So my first instinct was dead on when you scared me, when you scared me, ey, really knew what it means
When you start grinnin' at me, ah jeez, ey, I know that I'll end up on an IV
Back when you scared me, when you scared me, ey, no shock what it could mean
Doesn't mean that I'm not peeved, ah jeez, nor does it prevent my fear of pain that comes to me

Only real assholes force dweebs into the tough sports
It's why I waited for the time I could pick subjects
'Cause the first thing I'd do was run from P.E.
Less run, more a fumble, you know

In the place that I don't belong
'Cause it's essential, pretty essential, eh, eh
That I keep good track of my blood
Feel that's essential, really essential

"Sorry"? That won't help me, no, that won't help me, no, nah, you just gave this guy a free throw
Program's interrupted to just watch me go through six walls to splat, yah
My whole damn life is flashin' quickly, which might be good because I wanna know, ey, if this is revenge for jokes
Sure, it would be disproportionate, at least I'd know, heh, you're an a-hole, you're an a-hole, you're an a-hole (ey), you're an a-hole
No buddy or amigo of mine's so far gone
To pretend that we're gonna watch somethin' I'll be a part of
Ey, sure that could work out, maybe (so, so) if this was a rock show, see (so, so), ey
And you'd planned to let me (let me, let me), ey, sing on stage, that would be sweet (ey)
But this is not as neat, no, I won't last real long
A big red smear's all that's left of me once you hear the start gong (ey, ey, ey)
So throw the towel in for me (throw), a diff'rent sport, I know, please (bro), bro
Do you want to kill me? Got things to do, let's just leave, bro