Song Parodies -> "Whack With Books"

Original Song Title:

"Back for Good"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"Whack With Books"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Wanna defend yourself against a mugger, but you don't have the time or the skill to learn a martial art? Do you think you can't get away with a sword cane or a taser? Do you have terrible aim with pepper spray? Then have I got a solution for you: beat the shit outta them with a thick-ass book!

I guess you thought you'd get me to give up
My cash this time
But I'm sorry, the truth has changed, see
I'm no easy mark anymore, won't get mugged
Oh-oh, yeah-eah-eah-eah
To be honest, I'm still hopin'
That you'll still try to rob me
So you'll see it, so you'll see the trick I've learned now

A blow to the head, two blows to the neck and then you're leavin' (ooh-ooh)
Cause I've learned to whack with books (ooh)
Gonna whack, gonna whack, gonna whack with books
Hard-cover, of course, the paperback sort wouldn't clinch it (ooh-ooh)
Just a slight smack isn't good (ooh)
Gonna whack, gonna whack (I'm gonna whack with books), gonna whack with books

You won't fare well if I spy your dumb ass 'bout to rob me (no, no)
You will eat book (no, no)
Martial arts ain't a skill of mine (ain't a skill of mine)
And runnin' fast ain't for me
But I love novels, see
The land of imagination, got so many things to see (ooh-ooh-ooh)
But you'll find (but you'll find)
All you'll see is stars and jail fees (jail fees)

Two blows to the head, three blows to the neck and then you're leavin' (say Harry Potter just beat you)
Cause I've learned to whack with books
Gonna whack, gonna whack (see, I've learned to whack with books), gonna whack with books
A bit hard to rob when I've filled your scone up with bruises (say Frodo and friends just beat you)
Huge lumps like a cake uncooked
Gonna whack, gonna whack (I'm gonna whack with books), gonna whack with books

Worked on this forever
I will slam your nethers (your nethers now)
'Til they're fine print in Appendix 4, Page 3
Some say it's a bit much
Dudes are muggin' me, the blame's all on them

Three blows to the head, four blows to the neck and then you're leavin' (say that George Martin just beat you)
Cause I've learned to whack with books
Gonna whack, gonna whack, gonna whack with books
Folks who dare to rob my ass will get stopped, then I'm leafin' (say that a whole tree just beat you)
Make sure it's intact and good
Gonna whack (gonna whack), gonna whack (see, I'm gonna whack with books), gonna whack with books
Four blows to the head, five blows to the neck and then you're leavin' (say that Stephen King just beat you)
Cause I've learned to whack with books
Gonna whack (gonna whack), gonna whack (I'm gonna whack with books), gonna whack with books
It's your own damn fault for tryin' to rob people, you dipshit (say that a book nerd just beat you)
Not hard to be understood (I'm gonna whack)
Gonna whack (I'm gonna whack), gonna whack (you see, I'm gonna whack with books), gonna whack with books

No Kindle, I'm fine, with that, can't whack with books

It's so weird watching the video for this song and seeing Robbie Williams just being another bloke and not the centre of attention. It's also tricky to hear the first line of the chorus ("Whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it") without immediately thinking of Ed Byrne's idea for the follow-up single ("Course I Love You, I'm Fucking You, Aren't I?").

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