There's this show, right,
Where corporate types
Are so...evil, man

They all want to make big cash
Don't care...'bout the cost
And so the planet...they have damned

Who will save it?
Five kids, quite diverse
Whose rings are imbued with power
But these five brats alone
Cannot save the day
They summon some blue git for an hour

Cause this is Captain Planet!
Environmental propogand-i-a! (Hah! Hah!)

Kwame, the token brown
Who can control the ground
For some reason, he's voiced by Geordie
But if you want a hot visual
But maybe not legal
There's Linka, the wind Russian beauty

Then there's the other girl, Gi
She's Asian and sweet
And she can control the whole ocean
(Nice!)
Most annoying of them
There's Wheeler, fire pleb
His dumbness sets the plot in motion

And the last little brat
It's Ma-Ti, lads
Whose power makes me vomit
It's the power of heart
Element, my fat arse
Still, it's useful, somehow, I don't write this

So stupid, Captain Planet!
Environmental propogand-i-a! (Hah! Hah!)

So, why do folks watch this tripe (tripe!)
There's better stuff, guys (guys!)
Though not bad enough to cause...depression
It's mind-numbingly crap
Lacks subtlety and tact
But quite good for a drinking game...session

Moronic Captain Planet!
Environmental propogand-i-a! (Hah! Hah!)
Riff it, riff!
So we watch Captain Planet!
(Captain Planet!)
Environmental propogand-i-a! (Hah! Hah!)

The planet's in the hands
Of this green-mullet man
Saving the earth would be worth cele.............bration
This show is so lame
But a joy all the same
And so we all applaud
And diss the message!