Ever since I came of age, boy
Love me some alcohol
From VB down to Foster's
I've thrown up from 'em a-a-all
But I ain't seen nothin' like him
In any alehouse at a-a-all
That besuited, smu-ug prick
Is the best at pub crawls

Pops in any venue
Guzzles beers and then he leaves
Never sways or staggers
Not a single hea-ea-eave
Keeps his disposition
His smarmy smile won't fa-a-all
He belongs in bu-us'ness
Not in a damn pub crawl

He's a pub crawl wizard, must be some kind of twist
This pub crawl wizard's got some Shyamalan shi-i-it

Where the hell does he-e pu-ut it (I-I do-on't know)?
Like he's dru-unk no boo-ooze

Doesn't have companions
At least none that I can tell
With all those shots he's slammin'
Can't be sittin' we-e-ell
But no sign on his face
He's had alcoho-o-ol
Never stops for a-a piss
On his epic pub crawl

I thought I was the liquor-swillin' king
Guess I should give up my pub crawl crown to hi-i-im

Bettin' he's some kind of robot
Or an alien
All that booze he's packin' in
Not one burp, makes no se-e-ense
Maybe I'm just seein' nonsense
With the booze and a-a-all
How else can that ri-ich twit
Be so good at pub crawls?