Don't take me to the club
Classy joint, the cheapest hole, no fun
Sorry, not because when I'm drunk
I like to show off my buns
Don't change much when I'm pissed
I laugh hard and then pronounce it "pished"
Won't lean, lean on a pillar
'Til my gut's no longer filled with dinner
The truth is completely mundane
But it's still my claim to real shame
The problem which keeps me away:
I plainly can't dance at all, mate

I suck, buddy, can't dance
Look like a puppet's strings caught in a fan
There's no looped cycle, it's simply nuts
Not even on the beat, should not be done
The song will end, the full-on scratched record
DJ will quit 'cause of my funk error
En-masse floor leavin', whole club departs
Because I look crazy, an absolute arse

The way that I dance looks crazy
The way that I dance looks

When I start limb flingin'
Stop me, stop me, not fibbin'
Beware my manner
I'm not your standard kind of real bad dancer
Don't just put my feet out of place
'Cause then I might stay put, one state
My moves are a crazy rampage
You don't wanna pay for my pace

I suck, buddy, can't dance
Like life has a glitch that you can't unhack
No moves recycled, all brand new ones
Don't stand around me 'cause you'll bruise a ton
Doesn't depend on musical genres
My manic steps resemble a mosher
One that's defeatin' ghost army's arse
So don't call me lazy, that's better by far

Don't try to make me go to the club
And don't try to say it's not a rave-y type one
"The tempo is lazy, so you can't go nuts"
I'm sure you believe it but it's simply wrong

Suck, buddy, can't dance
A slow song? I'll stick in place, my jaw slack
Groove like a statue that's set in gum
Watch for the drool that I'll drip from my tongue
No-one can swing or waltz or whatever
When some great twit will block their endeavours
Yes, I'm that eejit bringin' folks harm
Happy to be lazy, means no swingin' arms

The way that I dance looks crazy
The way that I dance looks
I'd prefer to not look crazy
I'd prefer to not look