I know for you it's fun and I know it might feel lovely
But I just can't-a see myself with no private drawers
No commando

Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh

I won't be that guy, won't stop it
If air and extra room down there's what you want
Go 'head, free ball, that won't be me, though
I'd rather keep both eggs and pickle in that rude cloth
Problems I'd rather avoid, lots of nerves based in one's groin
All my pants have zippers, "Screw that!"'s what I choose

Don't want the pain, don't want the pain, no commando
Won't be my way, won't be my way, I'll pass, bro
One hasty zip or one misjudged sit-down and there'll be no fun
I will abstain, I will abstain, won't hurt those
No commando, no commando
I won't go commando, I won't go commando
No commando, no commando
I won't go commando, I won't go commando

Stop, please, I have said "No"
No commando, I'll never go

Were you hopin' that I was crazy?
Think I've made it real clear that I'll keep my nads
Wrapped, so stop, man, your insistence
That if I just went and tried it, it would be rad
Even though I've made my choice, you refuse to just avoid
And talk about other stupid things to do

I've made it plain, I've made it plain: no commando
Don't wanna chafe, don't wanna chafe, I'll pass, bro
Whether in denim jeans or not, it's a sensation I don't want
So shut your face, so shut your face, won't hurt those
No commando, no commando
I won't go commando, I won't go commando
No commando, no commando
I won't go commando, I won't go commando

It's not for me, it's not for me, no commando
Does not sound great, does not sound great, so I'll pass, bro
My parts are safe, my parts are safe, no commando
Must you insist upon my nuts? I'll pass, bro
Just go away, just go away, no commando
Set in your ways, set in your ways, I'll pass, bro
Bein' a dick, won't take that pun back 'cause you're drivin' me so nuts
I'll keep mine safe, I'll keep mine safe, won't hurt those

No commando, no commando
I won't go commando, I won't go commando
No commando, no commando
I won't go commando, I won't go commando (please shut your face)
No commando (please shut your face), no commando (no commando, bein' a pain)
I won't go commando (bein' a pain), I won't go commando (I'll pass, bro, won't let it swing)
No commando (it's cold as butts), no commando (and when it's hot, I sweat a ton, want that contained)
I won't go commando (want that contained), I won't go commando (won't hurt those)
No commando