Laid in the dirt
Six feet of di-i-irt in time
Whenever my brain up and explodes
Or when my hea-ea-eart
Escapes from all the la-a-arge meal fries
And when that day comes, there'll be
One thing on my mi-i-i-ind:
What should I have for my epitaph?
Something that embodies my true se-elf
Should I go with words I've spoken
Or a show I'm quoting
In a way that's overkill?

Don't want "Rest In Peace"
So plain and boring and just not me
How about "Told you I was sickly?"
Might be an overused joke
I love classics, you know

Something with feels?
Something to tou-ouch your soul
But sappy ain't the way that I-I-I roll, no
No, I want something wittier
Than the other tombstones, something pithier
Mmm-mmm, cause bitter sarcasm was just
How I lived my li-i-i-i-i-ife
Mmm-mmm, need something good for my epitaph
Maybe "I'll see you bastards in he-ell"
"I thought it was a love potion"
An ironic slogan
Or how 'bout the headstone's bill?

Something that suits me
Not just "We Miss You", that won't work, see
Want my spot in the cemetery
To stand out from those dead do-o-opes
Might sound rude of me
But I'm thinking of my own death, see
I don't have normal priorities
How about I have "Them Bones"?
The whole song? I don't know
Copyright might say no
Just the chorus or so-o
"Big ol' pile of them bones"
Ooh-ooh

What font should it be?
Arial? Times New Roman? Maybe Calibri?
Comic Sans to annoy those web geeks
Beyond the grave, they'll be tro-o-olled
How big should it be?
Small text that you have to get close to read
And then it says "That hurts, get off me"
In the skies, you'd see me LO-OL

Morbid, you say?
Don't take what I say seriously
Just doing this theoretic'lly
I got one more before you go
"What, no respawn? This blows"