Well, I have the need to cheese it (huh)
I need a distraction
Should include them when plannin' (uh-uh)
But now I'm forced to wing it
Look

I'm on the spot
Cause I've botched this bank job
Can't blow something up
My C-4's in the car

I can't just jump up and run
Surrounded by dudes with guns
Don't want bullets in my butt
I'm not a fan of that, buddy
I need to shut up and run
Distract the guys with the guns
Cause getting shot is not fun
And so I yell "Hey, look! Monkeys!
Look over there, I see monkeys!
I swear they're there, lots of monkeys!"
As they all look at the "monkeys"
It's time for me to start running

Each time I have to wing it
Always use this cheap trick
Never seen it failin'
Such an effective distraction (ah-ah)

Won't stop, because
It has not failed so far
Won't change if I rob
Twenty bucks or a car

Guess you could say that it's luck
That ev'ryone is so dumb
To look away when I run
All cause I said "I see monkeys!"
The epitome of good fun
That's what a monkey is, bud
Guess that explains it all, cause
Nobody can resist monkeys
Not in a dirty way, buddy
Platonic love for some monkeys
Even the word is so funny
Can't not laugh when I say "monkey"

So I've stolen so much stuff
Without a gun or a club
I just nick shit then I run
After I say "Hey, look! Monkeys!"
Don't need anything else, bud
Don't need to hack in with bugs
Don't need to bribe the guard chump
I just distract them with monkeys
Even though there are no monkeys
They always look for the "monkeys"
Wouldn't work as well with donkeys
So I'll be sticking with monkeys

It's like the whole town is drunk
Hepped up on vodka or rum
Why else would they drop their stuff
And go run after the "monkeys"
Works in all countries, not one
Guess ev'rybody is just
That much of a total schmuck
To fall for me saying "Monkeys!"
Man, people are total dummies
To forget I'm stealing money
Enough to buy my own country
"Who cares, that guy said there's monkeys!"

People will fall for it
Always, especially if
I say the monkey is
Wearing a suit and shit
And he's doin' The Twist
More time for me to nick
All their expensive shit
Man, people are such gits

Orangutans or chimps (don't matter)
These fools will fall for it (so I always win)
Don't need to bribe guards with money
I'll just say "Look at that monkey!"
Sure, I might seem a bit cocky
To claim it always works, trust me
I've filmed them, very secretly
Just watch 'em, isn't it funny?
I've uploaded them to Blip, see
Bonus advertiser money
May spill my secret, but trust me
Won't stop them falling for "Monkeys!"

Geez (will they stop falling for "Monkeys!")
This is nuts (it's Hammy-levels of nutty)
Now I've got (Got all their crap, cause they're dummies)
All their stuff (And also all of their money)
Just check (Check what I've got thanks to "Monkeys!")
In my car (Afforded this thanks to "Monkeys!")
All this stuff (Assorted doodads and thingies)
Got so far (Cause I've kept saying "Look, monkeys!")

So that's my story there, bud
World-famous criminal thug
In the newspapers and stuff
Cause I say "Look at the monkeys!"
Something to show me, ol' bud?
Something away from the stuff?
Well, you're someone I can trust
Oh, you say that you see monkeys?

Well, I can't see any monkeys
You're sure that you saw some monkeys?
All I see's a street that's empty
Nothing that looks like a monkey
Come with me, show me these monkeys
What, you say that you're too busy?
Too busy to look at monkeys?
That's unbelievable, buddy

In fact, you're looking quite sweaty
Stab in the dark, answer this, please
Did you say that you saw monkeys
Using my tactic against me?
I'm not as stupid as that, please
I'm quite immune to "Look, monkeys!"
Nice try, I'll give you that, buddy
But now your wallet's mine, catch me!