Where's my underwear? Can't have my bare ass
Floppin' all around, that's, to be honest, quite mad
No, I don't want that, buddy
I've never really gotten the appeal of
"Commando", seems weird to ditch your underclo-othes
And I'm no weirdo-o, buddy
So I'm searchin' through all of my drawers
Still tryin' to find my-y drawers

I need my undies to hold my private parts
Cause otherwise right at the seams, I will come apart
Because of my swingin' nards, so
Must find where they've gone, I need to clad my arse
In cotton or whatever they're made of, don't care, see
More concerned with where they are, lo-ost drawers

Swear I had a pair around here, I can't see
It's disappeared along with the rest of them
Makes no lick of sense, buddy
Thought I had twenty or so pairs, they're all gone
Checked ev'ry drawer even the ones without clothes
In case of bad jo-okes, buddy
I've dealt with pranks like that in the past
Or pulled them when I'm sma-a-ashed

Where are my undies? What kind of sneaky arse
Would steal and hide them where I can't find out where they are?
This isn't funny so far, no
All my briefs are gone, they're not in my garage
In the fridge or anywhere else stupid, I'm real peeved
Refuse to free-ball my parts, chee-eesed off

And I've got places to go to, ev'ryone that I know knows
So only a total prick would still pu-ull this prank li-ike so
Not glued to the ceilin', not layered betwee-een my-y plates, no
I've even gone through the bins, both inside and out, and man, that wa-as gro-oss
Still MIA, ma-a-a-a-a-an

Can't find my undies, I've gone through ev'ry part
Of my damn house, double- and triple-checked, which was hard
Not in a tiny flat, hard no
Where have they all gone? I need them on my arse
Not all at once, the weather isn't that damn chilly
Still need to cover my parts, the-ey're lost
All of my undies have left to unknown parts
I'm so confused, ain't like this is some overnight lark (it ain't like that, ma-a-a-a-a-an)
Look, this is the weirdest part, bro
Cause two secs ago, I put away them all
I closed the drawer, opened it up and they're gone from me
Did someone perform dark arts? Oh-oh lord

Where's my underwear? I need to know, man
Where's my underwear? I gotta know, man
Where's my underwear? Stolen by dark crafts
Where's my underwear? That's my best guess, man