They're common, real common fears
Too common
Ah, oh!

Uh-huh, so what terrifies ya? Uh-huh
That's what terrifies ya? Uh-huh, heights can terrify ya? Uh-huh
Darkness terrifies ya? Uh-huh, spiders terrify ya? Uh-huh
Clowns can terrify ya? Uh-huh, lame that terrifies ya

How can I show patience and be real gracious (uh)
When patients have limitations?
My knowledge as a psychiatrist is deep (you know)
But it's all just trite shite they bring to me
Cause, uh, I'm seein' people weepin' (oh)
Seein' a clown while they're sleepin'
Sweatin' lots of drops in a flop, this I'm not needin'
Played out bullplop is exceedin'
Keeps repeatin' "dark is not retreatin'"
They're freakin'
Come on, can't you switch up, up from the last four (uh)?
New program's all I'm askin' for (oh)
All the same damn stuff from you
Spiders make forced dumps from you, uh, uh
Hate to sound like an awful douche
But in this job, it's just the truth, I said

You've all got common fears (same stuff)
It's hard to not eye-roll (ayy)
I am sick of you lot (uh, uh, uh, uh)
Panickin' when you're closed off (oh)
You've all got common fears (same stuff)
Hold snark as I console (ayy)
So damn sick of you lot (uh, uh, uh, uh, uh)
Panickin' when blood flows, stop (sick of it all now)

Waitin' for a call with some poor sod scared of goggles (c'mon)
Some guy who gets the shakes when he sees buttons or waffles
I'd get to show off my chops with a fear more novel
Than your bog-standard fear of thunder, I'd plead and grovel
To let me please stay with the dude afraid of pockets
Pick brains all day, try to stop it
If you holler if comics are out of print
That's "afraid", not "call the cashier a dick"
Odd (uh) phobias (uh) never disappoint
Cloaks send their brains all out of joint
So interested in how the fear came to
And then maybe I can save you
So call me up if you're home alone, you know
And it's not (uh) the big outdoors that chills your bones
Frettin', panic sweatin' and yellin' at your friend:
"That herd of sheep will gnaw off my skin!" (oh)

You've all got common fears (same stuff)
Be scared of toilet rolls (ayy)
I want diff'rent things, 'cause (uh, uh, uh, uh)
"Usual" makes me doze off (oh)
You've all got common fears (same stuff)
Why can't feet take their toll (ayy)?
Just want diff'rent things, 'cause (uh, uh, uh, uh, uh)
I want a test, not so wrong (change it all up now)

Let balls terrify ya, ah, ah, let cows terrify ya, ah, ah
Change it all up now
Let arms terrify ya, ah, ah, let fawns terrify ya, ah, ah
Switch it all up now
Let bills terrify ya, ah, ah, let clams terrify ya, ah, ah
Mix it all up now
Kites terrify ya, ah, ah, ducks terrify ya, ah, ah
Oh

I'm waitin' for patients
Who have a thing 'bout a sponge in the basement (what?)
I'm not kiddin', I'll save him (oh)
I'll talk him right through it
Never gonna (ayy) laugh, that's rude
Not professional to mock any dude scared of bassoons
Still gonna do my job, I'm not gonna be that dude
Longin' for a switch from the folks scared of dark rooms (oh)

You've all got common fears (same stuff)
Death? Cobras? Dealt with those (ayy)
Not that those fears are wrong (uh, uh, uh, uh)
Won't turn my nose or blow off (oh)
You've all got common fears (same stuff)
The kind that seem a joke (ayy)
All of those other docs (douches) (uh, uh, uh, uh)
Dismiss your case, that's so wrong (I'll help you all out)
You've all got common fears (same stuff now)
It's so routine and droll (ayy)
I'm just rattlin' off (standard, uh, uh, uh)
Stock answers, real thought's so gone (oh)
You've all got common fears (same stuff)
Does not make me feel whole (oh)
I love doin' this job (love it, love it, love it lots, but)
But I don't want to doze off (change it all up now, uh)

Let books terrify ya, ah, ah, let hens terrify ya, ah, ah
Change it all up now
Let chess terrify ya, ah, ah, let sloths terrify ya, ah, ah
Switch it all up now
Let trees terrify ya, ah, ah, let snails terrify ya, ah, ah
Mix it all up now (yeah)
I terrify ya? Uh-huh, well, I can't help ya, uh-uh
Oh