Intro:
Uh-oh, feels like diarrhea...
Holy crap, unwaxable toilets, bugger, you're smegging right...
To the Crapmobile, let's go...
(TOILET! TOILET!), ladies and gentlemen, it's loo time, hurry, hurry, sit right down,
introducing the star of the show, it's name is (TOILET!) you
wouldn't wanna be anywhere else
in the world right now, so without further ado, I bring to you,
(TOILET!)

Verse 1:
You 'bout to witness hygiene in it's most purest most whitest
form, thought it's not flawless, most
hardest, most clean-smelling toilet, chip off the flush block, but
now I gotta (crap), looks like
Batman brought his own paper, oh smeg, Saddam's got his own paper,
in his own private plane, there's
no pilot, set to blow the bathroom toilet dorrs off the hinges,
oranges, peach, pears, plums,
syringes, (vnn, vnn), yeah that's what I ate, I'm inches, away from
the loo fear tons, hygiene is in
a state of 911, now..

Chorus:
I gotta do my business, I don't got no time to mess around,
where is it, must be a toilet
in town, now where the hell they did put it, the clowns,
can I get some paper (hell yeah)
I gotta do my business, I don't got no time to mess around,
where is it, must be a toilet
in town, now where the hell they did put it, the clowns,
can I get some paper (hell yeah)

Verse 2:
Quick gotta move fast, I don't perform miracles, gee willikers
Ma, holy loo waxables, look at
all the brown **** that goes on in my pants when it's gone, time to
get rid of these crapped underwools
so skip to the loo, not my loo cause I've filled it, you ain't even
disgusted no more, you're used to it,
flows too wet, nobody close to it, nobody says it, but still
everybody smells the ****, the
most wasted out of all those who say that they get wasted out of
eighty pounds of really bad-smelling
crap, they make it all up, there's no such thing, like a
toilet with no stains, that's just
a dream, it just smells so much more to so much more people
when you're crappin' and you know
what for, the movement goes on, so I'd like to welcome y'all to
my stained and smelly toilet,
c'mon now...

Chorus

Verse 3:
It's just like old times, the pain and the relief, two old friends, I
panic, I already know I'm
all uncapable, to make the loo not full, crap straight through the
S-bend, don't care where it goes, you can
even go collect, down at the sewage net, since you just dropped your
expensive earphones down the toilet, and
never see them get to faint or get to run to the well, people
stepping over tourists who just died from
the smell, just get to see a boss-ee who breathes so freely,
ease over the heat and be so
breezy, Geez how can he fart that easy. how can one brother be so
reeky, run down the street,
boss-ee's don't see me, believe me, that bad smell is so reeky and will not leave,
when I breathe, dog fo' sheezy,
can't leave me alone, I need to breathe, 'till I grow a beard
get weird, and disappear into
the mountains, nothing but 'healths' down here, but I ain't screwing
around round here, yo Ma,
what up, can I have a loo, hell yeah, now...

Chorus

Outro:
So there you have it folks, (TOILET!), has come to save the
day, back with his friend Paper,
and to remind you that brown **** will not stay, because,
(TOILET!), and Paper are here to stay
and never go away until our dying day until we're old and grey,
(TOILET!), so until next time
friends, same white bowl, same crap funnel, good night
everyone, thank you for coming, your
host for the evening, (TOILET!), oh, ha...