There’s a tumbleweed in Texas whose role is plain to see
He earned his wealth uprightly when crippled by a tree
He sues each time Obama should burp or sneeze or fart
Greg Abbott keeps a’rollin, a bi-wheeled Bonaparte

He’s the smuggest goshdarn cowboy that Texas ever knowed*
His chair, it gleams like silver, you might say that it glowed
You can cry over your Cannabis and toke your Sweat Leaf “tea”
But the Tumbleweed Of Texas is the only weed for me

At the Rio Grande our border is as porous as a sieve
If The Mexicans cross that river, they do not deserve to live
He’ll make sure they remember how they sieged the Alamo
The Drafthouse, not the fort - they spoiled his picture show

He’s the smuggest goshdarn cowboy that Texas ever knowed
His chair, it gleams like silver, you might say that it glowed
You can cry over your Cannabis and toke your Sweat Leaf “tea”
But the Tumbleweed Of Texas is the only weed for me

Oh, now Greg’s savin’ babies and Planned Parenthood must go
While Paxton’s dodgin’ charges of fraud and jobs-of-snow
He’ll patty-cake with Patrick, they’ll make some Texas S’mores
And the Tumbleweed Of Texas shall forget his pressure sores

He’s the smuggest goshdarn cowboy that Texas ever knowed
His chair, it gleams like silver, you might say that it glowed
You can cry over your Cannabis and toke your Sweat Leaf “tea”
But the Tumbleweed Of Texas is the only weed for me

(Yee haw! Pew-pew p’pew!)