Dialogue 8

STUEY POO
Well, if that's the case, Matthias, we know our enemy, and he probably has an army of Lewd Submitters to back his evil plan. We must make haste and stop him. But we need a plan and a strategic leader.


K1CHYD
The man for the job is obviously Overlord Kristof, ex Parodist Laureate, and a man of great wealth


KRISTOF
(stepping forward)
I would consider it an honour to


STUEY POO
Alas, Overlord Kristof is NOT the man for the job, K1CHYD, because I have reason to doubt his loyalty to King ChuckyG


K1CHYD
What are you saying?


STUEY POO
K1CHYD, have you ever wondered why Kristof is no longer the Parodist Laureate?


K1CHYD
He resigned of course.


STUEY POO
Nay, not so. King ChuckyG appointed him as reward for identifying Willie Tit-Swallow as the Great-Vote-Deleter – but I also know that King ChuckyG terminated his tenure.


VILLAGERS
GASP!


STUEY POO
for committing a heinous sin – the sin of disrespect.


K1CHYD
Disrespect?


STUEY POO
Yes – as you know, even the TTP would not exist if it weren't for the Authors of The OS-es.and who is King ChuckG's favourite A.O.T.O.S.?


K1CHYD
The Lord High CountryWesterner.


STUEY POO
Yes, Kris Kristofferson – and to this day, Kristof Robertson has not written a single parody to the Lord High CountryWesterner!


KRISTOF
But that's just a matter of time, Stuey Poo


STUEY POO
Time you say? But Kristof, you have already penned nine score parodies. When is this time of which you speak?


KRISTOF
How about Tuesday?


STUEY POO
Bah!



SONG 9
Click on the Original Song and then its MIDI (song starts after a 15-second intro):
"I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Major-General"

Parody by Stuart McArthur

"So when will Kristof Robertson do one by Kris Kristofferson?"


STUEY POO
So when will Kristof Robertson do one by Kris Kristofferson?
That Kristof has not done a Kris Kristofferson one's bothersome
It could be from the soundtrack to that chicky flick "A Star Is Born"
or spotlighting Kristofferson - how far he's come (and far he's gorn)
Now Kris (not Kristof) had addictions, some would say had maladies
while Kristof (but not Kris) is more addicted to mad parodies
For Kristof to be Kris-Kristoffer-son-free there is no excuse
though freedom's just another word, says Kris, for nothing left to lose

yes, freedom's just another word, says Kris, for nothing left to lose
(x three)

If Kris Kristoffer-son learns of this Kristof-snub he might abuse
the stuff he gave up when his options were 'drunkard' or LIFE! to choose
or maybe he will write a song detailing how it did induce
a one-way trip to Tallahassee looking for a bridge to use

or maybe he will write a song detailing how it did induce
a one-way trip to Tallahassee looking for a bridge to use


So when will Kristof Robertson do one by Kris Kristofferson?
By now he should've done one! (though I don't want to be quarrelsome)
Seems Kristof, about Kris Kristofferson, is prejudici-al
It seems he'd rather write about things mostly artifici-al
He could've been researching Kris Kristofferson's mad ancestors
or what's with Kris Kristofferson and Billy Joe McAllister?
or what's with that Rhodes Scholarship, and did it really open doors
for Kris and Rita Coolidge (just before their harrowing divorce)

for Kris and Rita Coolidge (just before their harrowing divorce)
(x three)

And furthermore, despite his standing in the music industry
Kris wasn't offered by Kristof an AmIRight-based ministry
and is it right that Kristof's done so many Kinks and Beatles songs
while Kristof's Kris-Kristofferson-count's less than Livvy Newton-John's

So is it right that Kristof's done so many Kinks and Beatles songs
while Kristof's Kris-Kristofferson-count's less than Livvy Newton-John's


Oh sure, we know he can't do plumbing - and his sink is fountain-like
and Catherine Zeta-Jones is prob'ly not her hubby's mountin' bike
and Allah, Buddah, Yoda, Odin and Jehovah, Osiris...
should rightly take priority above Kristofferson, so Kris...
it's best that you continue spending Sunday mornings coming down -
To Help You Make It Through The Night, ignore Kristof (that mean, lowdown....)
and don't be too offended that the OS Kristof chose to use
for F.C.U.K. was by Village People and not one of yours

his F.C.U.K. was by Village People and not one of yours
(x three)

If "From the coalmines of Kentucky - and the Californian sun"
don't stir the parodific juices of Kristofer Robertson
there's nothing we can do I s'pose - except hope that the day will come
when Kristof Robertson will do a song by Kris Kristofferson

there's nothing we can do I s'pose - except hope that the day will come
when Kristof Robertson will do a song by Kris Kristofferson