There's no whiz-ness like slow whiz-ness,
Like no whiz-ness, oh, no
Everything about it's unappealing,
Everything we are describing now,,
Especially the stop and start-up feeling
Stare at the ceiling - and have a cow..

The slow tinkle, weak flow tinkle,
Comes as - older we grow
Dribble like a turtle in our restroom space
Can't remain macho, we feel disgrace
By the time we've finished, ten have left the place
Slow go - on with no show

Among guys, fast young guys - who flaunt with a perk,
Break unrination speeding limit laws
We stand there, weak gland there, and feel like a jerk
Just once we'd like to pee without a pause,
And leave before that splasher in the crew
Zips up with head held high cuz' fast, he's through..

Oh, there's no whiz-ness like slow whiz-ness, to our pride it's a blow
Sadly, we recall when "Will" was willing,
Had a stream that could have rung church bells
Now it's empty urinals, no filling, we're second billing
Everyone else..

There's no peepee, but slow peepee, it's so creepy, this flow
Others stand with hose in hand like firemen
Just five, ten seconds back in it's pen
We're still waitin', concentratin' -wond'rin' when
No go - slow runs the show

(there's no whiz-ness like slow whiz-ness, like no whiz-ness we know)
World could end before we even started
It's like in at midnight, out at dawn..
Guess for us old timers fate was charted
When Red Sea parted, or back beyond..

(there's no tinkle like slow tinkle, no smiles when we can't go)
Yesterday the doc said pee into this jar,
Prescribed us Flomax, thankful, we are
Shining in our bathroom, now we are a Star,
We go faster, not slow !!

We go faster, not slow !!