Lifeguards had a homecoming
Round a bar-b-cue last night
And the Royal Brat had a run in her hose
That went over her pink panty line

Barefoot boy sitting by the water's edge
reads the I Ching by flashlight on cocaine
The brat struts up to him, does a little dance
The boy eases her down because of her cramps
and disappear down Imelda lane

While a rastafari lifeguard runs down Imelda
chasing the Brat and the barefoot boy
the kids down there shop just like oil sheiks
muzak muffled by walkman bands

From the condos to the clubs
Tonite all is static in the world
Till we fix the T.V. stand

Down in Ferdinand's

The arthritis convention assembles
and pick their bingo boards for the night
They'll meet in the lounge by that Wayne Newton sign
Which brings this fair lobby light

Man, there's miniature golf behind the K-Mart
There's Video Kingdom in the mall
Go scarf the candy shop's cherry drops
Get your teeth as red as you like

The beach is alive as backgammon is played
Horseflies raid, then vanish unseen
Kids flash earrings like gold fillings
Hustlin' for the Mac machine

The hungry and the hefty
Converge on the Taco Bob stand
They whistle at coeds out in the street

Down in Ferdinand's

In the parking lot valets dressed in red
park for the money their customers pay
While in the lobby crouched before the lobster tank
car owners nibble their nails away
A drunken hearted valet struggles with the stick
as the engine coughs on
Just one dent in the fender, and he's gone

Beneath a balcony
one mouth eats
as tomatoes run through the night in a blender
In a bathroom loft
whimpers of soft
Pepto Bismal and then
Alka Seltzer

In her tight purple gown
The Brat's sunburn makes her frown
as welts swell on her breasts in the night
No one watches as she peels her skin away
Or as the girl shuts out the bathroom light

Inside some d---'s on fire
in a men's room stall
from a backseat fantasy
But the pissers in there don't hear nothin at all
They just tinkle and let it all be
And in the quick of a flush
they reach for the faucet and try to wash their honest hands
But they wind up scalded
their pants all wet

Tonite in Ferdinand's