Hypochondria!

Need a doctor...won’t think I’m crazy
Need a doctor...won’t think I’m crazy
Know my bodddddy’s not okay
Someone help meeee, don’t know what’s wrong
Need an MD, for free, not costly
Then Google got one! I think I got one!

Got an appointment with my doctor; in the world, he’s best
I’m feeling so damn mis’rable, my body’s a mess
I can’t feel my eardrum, there’s a growth on my chest
Stinging pain in my kidney, and in my appendix
I just woke up that way, that’s when it all hit me
Something’s wrong with my liver, I just know it must be
Not crazy! Operation needs to take my spleen
I mean, what really can it be? You tell me!

I’ve been on this Earth thirty years, let me tell you
I have felt my life is just filled with gloom
Never feeling fine, so my symptoms, I’m watching
Always frightened, terrified each time that I’m coughing
WebMD, each and every single day
My friends say that I’m dumb, that it’s all up in my brain
Once jammed my finger, never has felt the same
Must have lupus now, as Doctor House would say

Help me doctor...know how to help me
Online doctor...knows how to help me
All my friends saaaaayyy, it’s my brain
Say I’m craaaaazzzy, I know they’re wrong
Every morning, my symptoms I’m watchin’
This site is workin’! I know it’s workin’!

Could it be a baby?
Know I’m not a lady
Watchin’ prime time dramas
‘ER’ told me!
It could be a baby
No, not a food baby
Ate a whole lasagna
Baby’s hungry!

Got my mail, stepped on a nail, foot needs amputatin’
That’s what the site tells me, though I’m not even bleedin’
Don’t need second opinion at all
Why would I trust some doctor, man he could lie...and he’s all false!
I wasn’t happy, there’s a freckle on fanny, not looking right
Man, oh man, this really sucks...please help me! (Oh whhyyy?!)
Nearly choked while drinking juice, online I’ll find a clue
Answer says it’s cancer, so it looks like I am screwed
Doctor says it’s toejam, he lies!
Man, I recognize this disease, it’s my glands
Sending a virus to feet and hands, I’m gon’ die
Had to pee- it’s a disease they’ll name for me!
Know what I say
Not trustin’ no doc, even Dre
I’ll take my chances online anyday!
I can’t even nap now
I must have insomnia now!
Friends say it’s from freakin’ myself out
Had enough!

Online doctor...knows how to heal me
Online doctor...knows how I’m feelin’
Skin’s all flaky, well, oh great
Must be shedding, soon I’ll have none
I’m not crazy, it’s a skin infection
Not ‘cause it’s dry out, I haven’t lost it!

(Not feeling great…)
I ate too much candy
Hands are feeling clammy
Been long since my last orange
Must be scurvy!
I’ve been feeling lazy
Feels like the couch ate me
Polio, I’ve got it!
Thanks WebMD!

Uh, yeah, uh, ‘fraid to leave my house, uh yeah
Friends now, friends are draggin’ me out the house (aaaahhhh!)
Oh no, won’t go!
“We think a doc should look at this”
[REAL Doctor]
Mr. Skelding, tests are back
Yeah, yeah you’re good, body’s good...mind is up to no good
In my opinion, you are a classic case, maybe
You’re not “mental”, but it’s mental...and it’s bad, yeah

Look it up now, look it up, look it up (I know you’ve got it)
Hypochondria!