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Song Parodies -> "Having A Contraction"
Original Song Title:
"Losing My Religion"
(MP3)Original Performer:
R.E.M
Parody Song Title:
"Having A Contraction"
Parody Written by:
Christie Marie M
The Lyrics
Ode to labor pains. What women had to go through to bring a child into the world! I had been watching childbirth programs in the TLC and Discovery Health Channel and witnessed what they had to go through each time. Lately, I've also been watching my comedy DVD movies based on pregnancy such as Knocked Up, Baby Mama, and My Baby's Daddy. NOTE: I was actually putting myself in a pregnant woman's shoes while writing this parody.
(Instrumental Intro)
My pains have triggered
They've triggered, it's true
Be glad you're not me
The hell that I must go through
My stomach's in a vice
Oh no, it hurts too much!
I think it's time
That's me feeling torture
That's me screaming all night, I'm
Having a contraction
Trying to breathe through the pain
And I don't know if I could take it
Oh no, it hurts too much!
I think I've had it rough
I felt that my water's breaking
I felt I've leaked like a sieve
I think I thought that I would die!
Every induction
Every slowing heart rate, I've
Just had my Pitocin
Trying to speed things along
I feel twisted, deranged, and cruel, cruel
Oh no, it hurts so much!
I cried out loud
Go inject me!
Go inject me!
Put me out of misery
Go inject me, someone!
"Doc, give me drugs please,
(I'm) beggin' !"
What if I decide to have a
Caesarian?
'Cuz I had suffered much
I felt that my baby's kicking
I hoped that it isn't breech
I hoped that it will come out right
(Instrumental Break)
Pains are too extreme
Birth is so extreme
That's me feeling torture
That's me screaming with fright, I'm
Having a contraction
Trying to breathe through the pain
And I don't know if I could stand it
Oh no, it hurts so much!
Don't think I had enough
I felt that my baby's crowning
I pushed hard with all my might
I think I've felt I've s**t a knife!*
Childbirth is too extreme
Winced, cringed, pinched, twitched!
Pains are too extreme
So extreme, so extreme
(I) screamed!
(Instrumental Outro)
My pains have triggered
They've triggered, it's true
Be glad you're not me
The hell that I must go through
My stomach's in a vice
Oh no, it hurts too much!
I think it's time
That's me feeling torture
That's me screaming all night, I'm
Having a contraction
Trying to breathe through the pain
And I don't know if I could take it
Oh no, it hurts too much!
I think I've had it rough
I felt that my water's breaking
I felt I've leaked like a sieve
I think I thought that I would die!
Every induction
Every slowing heart rate, I've
Just had my Pitocin
Trying to speed things along
I feel twisted, deranged, and cruel, cruel
Oh no, it hurts so much!
I cried out loud
Go inject me!
Go inject me!
Put me out of misery
Go inject me, someone!
"Doc, give me drugs please,
(I'm) beggin' !"
What if I decide to have a
Caesarian?
'Cuz I had suffered much
I felt that my baby's kicking
I hoped that it isn't breech
I hoped that it will come out right
(Instrumental Break)
Pains are too extreme
Birth is so extreme
That's me feeling torture
That's me screaming with fright, I'm
Having a contraction
Trying to breathe through the pain
And I don't know if I could stand it
Oh no, it hurts so much!
Don't think I had enough
I felt that my baby's crowning
I pushed hard with all my might
I think I've felt I've s**t a knife!*
Childbirth is too extreme
Winced, cringed, pinched, twitched!
Pains are too extreme
So extreme, so extreme
(I) screamed!
(Instrumental Outro)
* I sort of quoted Amy Poehler in the movie "Baby Mama" when she was in labor. She actually said "I feel like I'm s**tting a knife!"
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Voting Results
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Voting Breakdown
The following represent how many people voted for each category.
| Pacing | How Funny | Overall Rating | |||||||||
| 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 2 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 3 | 0 | 0 | 0 | ||||||||
| 4 | 1 | 1 | 1 | ||||||||
| 5 | 18 | 18 | 18 |
User Comments
Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.
Having had my hand gripped and shoulder gripped by my wife while she was in the throes of her labor, let me tell you...you almost hit the mark.:) I'm sure the experience is something that would cause the heartiest of men to denigrate themselves into a mass of jelly. Good job. 555
Thank you, Agrimorfee! That must have been a rough experience you had to go through! The truth is that sometimes men I know suffer far worse from labor and childbirth as women do (even though they're not the ones carrying it for 9 months and do the grunt work), even after women give birth. I read in an old article that sometimes men even suffer from depression and lose their attraction as much as their sexual drive towards their wives. Reverting back to your previous comment, I had this friend who went through childbirth and suffered horribly! She cussed her husband out and even bit her husband's hand so hard while he tried to offer his hand for his wife to grip when in pain, not to mention giving him a black eye, too! You had made a pretty good point, Agri! :) Other than that, was your wife all right after that experience? Did her birth go so well?
hehe...after she got the anaesthetic, Daniel popped out, healthy and whole after 2 hours.[BR}
If this subject interests you further search the site for my parodies fom The Who's Tommy, called Mommy. ;)
That's great! I'm so glad it turned out well for both you and your wife! And I am also happy for Daniel, although I havent met him! If I were in that position like the one I wrote in this parody, I would go out of my mind, feeling frazzled and going through hysterical shock! I'll go check out that parody of yours that you mentioned to me. As a matter of fact, I'm going to do it right now! Once again, thanks for that wondrous feedback. At first, I debated to submitting this parody. Tell your buddy B.A. Dave I said hi! :)
Christie, I really love this parody you've done. It's genius. You're well on your way to being added to the author list. Keep it up.
Hey there! You definitely did your homework on this one, and did a good job putting it into the song! I'll consider myself fortunate to not have been socked in the eye or had my hand bitten off when my daughter was born :) Excellent job, you're a good writer. I look forward to seeing more of your stuff.
Thanks, Jeff! :) I had to admit this was kind of hard at first and usually take awhile for me to write a perfect parody. It looked easy but it takes a lot of effort to come up with many ideas, not to mention pacing. Reverting to your last comment, you were lucky on that situation. I'm also going to work on a few others and hopefully post them really soon.
well, I was alerted to this from Jeff's comment - it's always exciting when a good writer comes along - this was excellent - brilliant use of the OS's lines in a new context, which is gold when it works, which is not that often, but it does here - and like Jeff, I too will put you on my watchlist, Christie - 555 - PS: this is a very hard OS to pace, from my one failed attempt ("Losing my best pigeon"), so congratulations on doing it so well
Thanks, Stuart! :) As I've told Jeff, it will take me a long time to write a perfect parody. It's not always that easy for me to use the OS's lines in a new context. In regards to your parody of this song, I tried looking for it but couldn't find it anywhere. I'm wondering if your still working on your parody you mentioned before. Hopefully cuz I would like to see it someday, if you want. I also had to show my parody to friends/family before submitting it to AmIRight. Well, for now, Peace Out!!
This was excellent, Christie. I'd like to hear this recorded and a video made someday. 5s
you won't find mine Christie because of my choice of adjective: "failed" :-)
Altho' (or maybe because) only a "Breathe! Beathe!"-advising onlooker at my own kids' births I expect your lyric's within 5.55 centimeters of the mark.
True story: During my daughter's early stages of labor withher first child, her hubby, brother, SIL and BIL, two girlfriends, and both sets of granparents were all in the room for the "party." At one point, as the contractions' intensity increased and pains followed suit, her hubby was looking at a set of monitors she was not at the time facing. Everyone else was seeing the huge grimace on her face as he _most_ ill-advisedly announced, "Hey ..., I can tell when you're having a contraction before you know it yourself! Everyone -- except the laboring mom-to-be got a good laugh out of that. It took her awhile to see the humor in it, but he was eventually forgiven,. :-)
True story: During my daughter's early stages of labor withher first child, her hubby, brother, SIL and BIL, two girlfriends, and both sets of granparents were all in the room for the "party." At one point, as the contractions' intensity increased and pains followed suit, her hubby was looking at a set of monitors she was not at the time facing. Everyone else was seeing the huge grimace on her face as he _most_ ill-advisedly announced, "Hey ..., I can tell when you're having a contraction before you know it yourself! Everyone -- except the laboring mom-to-be got a good laugh out of that. It took her awhile to see the humor in it, but he was eventually forgiven,. :-)
Thanks, Red Ant! :) Very good suggestion, I thought about that, if only I had the know how. Unfortunately, I'm technologically illiterate when it comes to that. Maybe someday. Thanks again, Stuart! :) That's too bad. Your still a good parody artist anyways. I'll find time to respond to them. Thanks, Stan! :) Awesome catchphrase with the 5.55 centimeter response. Also thanks for entertaining me with your story. I definitely got a kick out of it! Peace Out, Everyone!
I was browsing around in the search area I typed in your name and saw this clever title Having a contraction. Clever parody CMM yous b getting a 555
Very clever and PAINFUL one, Christie!!
I've been witness to my wife experiencing it 4 times, and I still can't imagine what it would be like. They say that singing may distract away from the pain, so maybe this could be a mantra in the labor room. Anyway, another one is coming....the meter is peaking at 5's!!!
Thanks, Gari and Mark! :)...Gari J, I'm so glad you found me out. I may be a parodist, but not as professional as the top 10 authors in the list. I hope to post more soon. It always takes me a long time to submit parodies due to several revisions and misspellings...Mark, I'm also glad you found me out! This is one of my best parodies in this site. You made a great point with your comment! Yeah, sure is very painful alright, though I haven't discovered it yet. I feel so bad for every women who had to go through this plight! You both made my day! I meant to work on a few other parodies, but couldn't seem to find the time. Until then, Peace Out!
(ABC) "Squeezing" out more laughs, a second time around!!
Fantastic job Christie Marie, easily among your best. This one was just purely funny, and it matched the original song so well. I mean the pain the original author displays while singing his lyrics, this would fit over that perfectly, which adds to the comedy of it all. You captured child birth and the original song's emotions beautifully, sorry I'll get off my soap box now, but really liked this one.
Thanks lots, Mark and B.A. Dave :)
Mark - "Squeezing" you with thanks. Thanks for commenting the second time around!
B.A. Dave - I've always wanted to do a parody on childbirth. The first idea that came up to me was "Hurts So Good" from John Mellencamp to "Pushed To Long" at first, but I decided on an R.E.M. song instead. I'm so glad you enjoyed my parody and glad to have written this one! It's also very sweet of you to share your heartfelt emotions as well!
Mark - "Squeezing" you with thanks. Thanks for commenting the second time around!
B.A. Dave - I've always wanted to do a parody on childbirth. The first idea that came up to me was "Hurts So Good" from John Mellencamp to "Pushed To Long" at first, but I decided on an R.E.M. song instead. I'm so glad you enjoyed my parody and glad to have written this one! It's also very sweet of you to share your heartfelt emotions as well!
ABC- Great work! Love the original song and minus a few pacing issues, this is perfect!
Thanks lots, Abbott! :)...Glad you enjoyed and you're right about the pacing issues. Should've paid more attention to the OS while trying to write this lyric. I was a little bit of a novice back then when writing this.
(ABC G & H) Well-done, the pacing issues you mentioned were apparent, yet this is still one of your best parodies in your repertoire of excellent parody lyrics. I don't think there's been anything you've written that I didn't like. Some OSes were over my head, but this was great. BTW, It's a shame to still see the mark of Dr Music on quite a few 2007, 2008 and early 2009 parodies, although that comment wasn't as bad as lots of his others. 5s.
(ABC-GH) Pacing was a bit off, but hey this was an early one by you, it takes a while to get that sorted. You don't see a lot of pregnancy-related parodies, so kudos there. 555 for you!
I never knew you were a mom Christie, but after writing something like this it has to be from experience. I don't think that any male writer on this site would be able to pull this off, except for maybe Agrimorfee since he already did something along the lines (but not as in great detail with his parody "Mommy")
Thanks lots, Andria, bobpie/T-COP, and Matthias! :)
Andria - Very sorry to respond to you so late! Glad you enjoyed my parody and I also don't think you written parodies that I didn't like, either.
Bobpie/Parody Conqueror - You're right about pacing a bit off, like Abbott. Although it was an early one by me, as I've mentioned before, I should have paid careful attention to the OS while writing it. Better yet, I should have made a revision of this satire at least. I came up with another method of writing parodies such as having family and friends look at my satire before submitting to AIR.
Matthias - Actually I was never a mom. I learned of the experience by watching a bunch of labor and delivery shows on Discovery Health Channel and TLC. I was actually writing this on a mom/pregnant laboring womens' POV. Forgive my lack of clarity in a way at the top comments. Otherwise, I'm glad you enjoyed and I also read Agri's "Mommy" parody and the rest related to it. I must say he did a darn great job with writing that Opera.
Andria - Very sorry to respond to you so late! Glad you enjoyed my parody and I also don't think you written parodies that I didn't like, either.
Bobpie/Parody Conqueror - You're right about pacing a bit off, like Abbott. Although it was an early one by me, as I've mentioned before, I should have paid careful attention to the OS while writing it. Better yet, I should have made a revision of this satire at least. I came up with another method of writing parodies such as having family and friends look at my satire before submitting to AIR.
Matthias - Actually I was never a mom. I learned of the experience by watching a bunch of labor and delivery shows on Discovery Health Channel and TLC. I was actually writing this on a mom/pregnant laboring womens' POV. Forgive my lack of clarity in a way at the top comments. Otherwise, I'm glad you enjoyed and I also read Agri's "Mommy" parody and the rest related to it. I must say he did a darn great job with writing that Opera.
(ABC G/H) Very nice work on a really cool REM song. Pretty cool pairing, and I can almost see Michael Stipes singing this song in a dress...wait...I think he already has!!! Here's 555 mg of Vicodin for you.
Nice addition to the site...addition by contraction! Good idea for the song, I enjoyed this.
This is why I'm going to adopt: so my wife won't be pained in childbirth. Epic parody. 555
Thanks lots, Warren, Jeff, and DJ! :)
Warren B - Glad you enjoyed. Yeah, and honestly, I would rather see Michael Stipes in a dress instead of that "suck jacket" (he wore that jacket at one of the Music awards ceremony; looked like he just took that jacket out of the garbage can) while singing it. And thanks for Vicodin, though I shouldn't take too much of it. Beats Demerol or an epidural.
Jeff - Nice to see you comment again! Also glad you enjoyed. Ditto on addition by contraction line.
DJ - Nice that you would care about your (future) wife like that. I hear that some men I know would also go through childbirth pains, although they're not the one doing the hard work. (What I meant by their childbirth pains, men suffer sympathy pains, as well as getting attacked by their wives or getting their hands squeezed very hard by their wives). I also hear most women I know would rather adopt than deal with natural childbirth like Nicole Kidman and Angelina Jolie for instance. Or may reqest for a C-Section, like Britney Spears did because she didn't want to go through that grunt work. Glad you enjoyed.
Warren B - Glad you enjoyed. Yeah, and honestly, I would rather see Michael Stipes in a dress instead of that "suck jacket" (he wore that jacket at one of the Music awards ceremony; looked like he just took that jacket out of the garbage can) while singing it. And thanks for Vicodin, though I shouldn't take too much of it. Beats Demerol or an epidural.
Jeff - Nice to see you comment again! Also glad you enjoyed. Ditto on addition by contraction line.
DJ - Nice that you would care about your (future) wife like that. I hear that some men I know would also go through childbirth pains, although they're not the one doing the hard work. (What I meant by their childbirth pains, men suffer sympathy pains, as well as getting attacked by their wives or getting their hands squeezed very hard by their wives). I also hear most women I know would rather adopt than deal with natural childbirth like Nicole Kidman and Angelina Jolie for instance. Or may reqest for a C-Section, like Britney Spears did because she didn't want to go through that grunt work. Glad you enjoyed.
It seems like I've been seeing an awful lot of births on TV shows lately, and they sure don't make it look like fun! Terrific job on this!
Thanks lots, Bilbopooh! :)...Yeah, childbirth is a very scary, not to mention painful and torturous thing women go through. But I never had the experience yet, Amen to that. Glad you enjoyed my parody...Wow, it's also amazing I got 20 votes for this parody! Totally awesomeness! I usually never get anything higher than 10 or 15 votes.
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