Ladies and gentlemen, now serving customer # 5...

Verse 1:
One, two, three four five,
five days off from work, think I"ll take a drive
to the body shop around the corner
The boys say I need a new car but I really don't wanna...
Spend the money or waste the time,
I had my baby since I was nine.
I got mufflers, and shockers, and tires, and jumpers,
And now I observe that I need a pair of bumpers!
So what can I do, I really beg you, my Lord,
To me, my Pinto is better than a Ford.
Listen to my story, it's all good, let me send in
my old, rusted engine.

Chorus:
I need a set of tires for my car,
A new transmission and I'll go far,
May need a lube job, who can say?
Gotta get a fanbelt, old one's frayed!
I need a pair of jumper cables with some parts
Damned thing just refuses to start
I'd like to buy my tank some gasoline
But I'm afraid my wallet's emptied clean

Clerk: Please take a number.

Me: Okay...

Clerk: Now serving number five...

Mechanic: So tell me what's the problem.

Me: Well...

Verse 2:
It jumps up and down, and makes a funny sound,
My engine's drowned and it runs on the ground,
Swerves one step left, and one step right,
The bumper fell off again last night.
It did this once, and last week twice,
So from the looks of things you'll be here all night!

Chorus

(Several mufflers break down)

Muffler! The muffler!

(Grabs a shiny golden muffler with a giant 5)

Muffler #5!

Chorus

Bridge to end:
I can't stand to watch them use their superglue.
See my car, get on my knees.
(clerk) That'll be 97 dollars, please.