(Patient to his doctor...)

My Inflammation (back again)
Used Preparation (H on skin)
I've got some fissures
And I think they grew (grew grew grew grew grew grew)
They're like a leech man (anus tight)
I want to pop them (bloody sight)
Unending battles that I'm gonna lose.

Doctor..What's the story?
Best guess..Don't hold back
You look..like Hugh Laurie
And House would have snipped them off and not looked back (Or am I wrong?)

The Congregation (fissures grow)
The Desecration (anal show)
I'm always wishing the pain go away
But the inflammation’s seared and it's flames all day

The Congregation (annoy)
The Desecration (no joy)
Use Preparation (deploy)

(Cut to another patient....)

I tried sitting on a pillow and explaining how these things grow
Without making hemmeroidian slips
Then the fires under thundered
I screamed out my ass was plundered
Like all the fires of hell had just eclipsed

It's inconsiderate
Not to make light
But my butt burns like a space shuttle launch tonight

(Now cut to another patient....)

I'm sittin' reading Dickens
And Expectations thicken
So I sit still and quiet in your stall
Then burning starts to take me
I start crying like a baby
And this quick regression makes me want to crawl

I'm in agony
I'm in pain
My diet and my weight gain are to blame?

(Back to the original patient....)

Now Preparation (H, below)
My Sanitation (Duties grow)
And I'm keep wishing that they'd go away
But my inflammation’s back and it's here to...

Hey Doctor Bother
What do you say?
I just films from your scoping today
Scoping today. What says scoping today?


It say's strike jalapeno's from meals everyday.

Skip snacks caboodle futile today

Does it still hurt...YES YES YES YES
Should we assess...YES YES YES YES
Pain on alert...YES YES YES YES
Will you digress...NO NO NO NO

Now I have fissures to slay
Try ice and they'll freeze
Anus appears
To be quite a tight squeeze

Hey Doctor Bother
Please don't stray
My insurance claims outweigh my flames
Light a candle, pray for luck
Lay off pork, I might save some bucks (It might)

Pillow in the car
Don't go far Don't go far

Might be suing. Reassert my stay?
Just one more day, O.K.?
I've burned them to blisters
Brought out the big guns
Now things are working....

ICE DOWN HIS BUNS

The Inflamation (Starts to slow)
The Irritation (Comes and goes)
The best we can do on this given day
So now start some believin', spread the news
A little bruised and I've stopped the ooze
You'd better change your diet plans today
Or the inflamations back and it's flames away.....