Song Parodies -> "I'm Currently An (Awful) Usher"

Original Song Title:

"I Could Have Been A Dreamer"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"I'm Currently An (Awful) Usher"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Credit to where credit's due - this one was inspired by TCOP's parody "Awful Usher" and the comments section discussion about whether or not in the USA it's easier to get up on a roof with an AR-15 than into a movie theather with your own bag of snacks, and if so whether or not the Secret Service should recruit among those awful ushers.

A YouTube version of the original song can currently be found here.

Built just like a fullback
Kneel to me, put away your snack
Or hide it where no sunshine's enshrined, yeah

I'm a busybody
The movie theather here's ruled by me
Every popcorn I will oversee

I'm currently an usher
I wanna be a bodyguard
Get paid to be a bruiser, yeah

I'm a pumped up lubber
Sneak in, get a clobbering for free
And every kid that tiptoes
I'll black-eye, aye!

But as about tomorrow
I'm gonna get promoted one day
Clock out here drive far, far away forever

I'm currently an usher
I'm looking for a no-holds-barred
Get paid to guard a cruiser
My dreams have a wet bar
I'm currently an usher, though...

When I take your snack pack
Know that I'll never give it back
Unless you are my mother-in-law

I know about her deathblow
She learned it in the navy
I stuck my dick in crazy
They're now family

I'm stuck here as an usher
I wanna guard them movie stars
Don't wanna be an usher
My dreams have armored cars

I'm currently an usher
I'm stuck here with the CGI
I never should have been an usher
Cos dreams come here to die

I'm stuck here as an usher
(Usher)
A fisticuffing wanker
(Wanker)
I'll always be an usher
(Wanker)
I think I'm gonna cry now...

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Glenn Walker - August 02, 2024 - Report this comment

Excellent job!! This was a first-time song for me. I liked it, and the OS. Congratulations on the roaring laugh you'll probably get from that one line towards the end of the song. It was clever how you covered it with "They're now family." Anyway, thank you for the great parody. 555

Peter Andersson - August 03, 2024 - Report this comment

Thanks Glenn! I enjoyed writing this one even though I had to change the angle from the original idea "dude that used to be a good usher but is now in the Secret Service" to what's above. Not an easy original to work with but I'd guess that's true for most Dio songs as he isn't big on rhyming wherever he can do something else to display his voice capacity instead. Jorn Lande (another candidate for best voice in metal) made a whole tribute album to him (Ronnie James Dio) when he died.

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