Goodbye to you my dear Depends
You took a load off till the very end
Together we fought each disease
Now there's a buckling in my knees
From the weight of my feces

Goodbye to you my leprosy
I've had you since I was just 2 or 3
You ravaged me at quite a pace
Left me without will or grace
You cut off my nose to spite my face

There's no joy, there's no fun
With these seizures and the runs
And although I will fight
I am headed toward the light

Goodbye to you my thought process
I know what caused you lately to regress
It's happened gradually in degrees
Can't bring back my memories
Must be Alzheimer's Disease

Goodbye to you my thought process
I know what caused you lately to regress
It's happened gradually in degrees
Can't bring back my memories
Must be Alzheimer's Disease

There's no joy, there's no fun
With these seizures and the runs
And these pills, I have found
Will not keep me above ground

There's no joy, there's no fun
With these seizures and the runs
And the doctors may rave
But I've got one foot in the grave

Goodbye to you chlamydia
I'll be so happy to be rid o' ya
You caused some pain in my penis
Made it all fill up with pus
But the swelling was a plus

Goodbye to my emphysema
You've caused more coughing than Hiroshima
Quit my cigarettes - you joke
So I choose now just to choke
With my trache tube full of smoke

There's no joy, there's no fun
With these seizures and the runs
But please leave me alone
I'm composing my headstone

There's no joy, there's no fun
With these seizures and the runs
And it won't cause me fear
When an intern hollers "Clear!"

There's no joy, there's no fun
With these seizures and the runs
But soon my final breath
Will just scare me ALL to death

So when you visit hell
Please make sure to ring the bell
But don't shout out or yell
Don't think I'll be doing well!