When you're home and alone
and you feel a stiff'ning down in your bone
Reach on down, and grip it, hey !
Grab your member and then yank away

Your penis grows
as it fills with blood
As you yank away on your pud
So if you can't find anyone to love, buddy
Stroke it with your fist
Choke it with a twist
Soon you'll feel the bliss
It's all in the wrist

You're so horny - it's so thick
You're tense and restless; heavy as a brick
Ain't no girl around to screw
So much frustration; need to shoot some goo

And now your hose
you grasp in your glove
and you gasp and grunt and you huff
And though the ‘lover' with you is a bluff, Sonny
Grasp it with your mitts
Undulate your hips
Don't loosen your grip
Yank it ‘til it spits

Got a hard-on; it's full of jam
You've got no girl; so you slam your ham
There's none around; ain't got no date
Just one solution; gotta masturbate

You'll moan and shout
and you'll shoot your stuff
As your semen flies you'll go “UHH”
And now you're thinkin', “Once was not enough”, was it?
So you grab your gland
Take it in your hand
Slammin' on your ham
Feels so good, oh damn

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, shoot goo
shooting, oh, you're shooting your goo
shooting goo, till you're through !