Song Parodies -> "Zappa Weighs In On Montana Elections"

Original Song Title:

"Montana, Dynamo Hum"

Original Performer:

"Zappa Weighs In On Montana Elections"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

This deals with the incident in Montana where Congressional candidate Greg Gianforte body slammed an obnoxious reporter and still won the election

I might be bruising a reporter soon
Just to play me a part in a Demo loss
Raising him up ... Slamming him down
With a little right cross that will start countdown
By myself I would pick my shots
But I'd be playing my role in Demo loss
Playing my role in Demo loss
Playing my role in Demo loss

Well, I just might blow out my knee
So I'll leave the rough stuff for somebody else
But then on the other hand I would
Beat his ass ... and knock him down
Pick my shots ... and slap him around
I'll give him a chop, yet end up on top
That's why I'm bruising in Montana!

Bruising in Montana soon, gonna be depicted as a goon
Bruising in Montana soon, gonna bust the leftie coast balloon (Yes, I am)

(Cue chorus of manic falsetto voices)

I'm setting up another Demo loss;
They're groaning on the prairie
'Nother big loss
I led all day and all night and all afternoon
I'm whuppin' like a Bagger boss
My name's Gianforte
I'm the big boss .. just 'cause
I dont give a finky about liberal prattle or shaming anyway
I dont give a finky about liberal prattle or shaming anyway (anyway)
I'm setting up another Demo loss
Even if you think I'm thuggish, folks
I dont care if you think I'm thuggish, folks
I dont care if you think I'm thuggish, folks

I'm gonna buy me a cold pack, just about this big
And apply it all along his jawbone line
With a .. pair of HEAVY DUTY ... zircon encrusted stitches in his cuts
Ever other bad ass would think I was kind of nuts
By myself I would pick my shot
But I'd be playing my ROLE in Demo loss

Well I might be icing down my shoulder
With his stitches gleaming in the media light
And then I'd .. GET A COUPLE DARVON
And give them to the wuss
Just me and the puny cold pack
Over on the Demo punk's puss
And then I might just stand right up
And stride, like a bad ass, into the throngs of Montana

Bruising in Montana soon (Whuppie-yi-oh-ti-yeh)
Bruising in Montana soon (Whuppie-yi-oh-ti-yeh)
Bruising in Montana soon (Wimpy-yi-oh-yi-yeh)
Bruising in Montana soon (Wimpy-yi-oh-yi-yeh)
...............................................

(And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, if you will turn your attention to the center ring .. the first attempted parody in Amiright history of Zappa's notorious "Dynamo Hum")

I really dont know where it's coming from
But I just decked a guy who's Journo-list scum
I strolled on over, said "Hey there, Chump"
I got a 40 kilo punch if you keep dogging Trump (so just dont do it)
I made a bet with Resister who's Alynski-ite crumb
I could prove any time all proggs were chum
I dont mind that he thinks I'm a bum
But I knew right away I'd beat him like a drum (So I got down to it)
I whaled on his noggin' like my wrist got numb
And applied contusion with a cranial strum
I poked and I choked till his face got numb
But I still couldn't make that Journo go mum

Journo-list scum, Journo-list scum
Where's the Journo-b*tch coming from
I done gave three warnings and he wouldn't stay mum
From this Journo-low, this Journo-low, this Journo-low
This Journo-list scum

I got a spot that makes me drop (OW!)
But you ain't hit on it
I got a spot that makes me drop
But you ain't hit on it
I got a spot that makes me drop
But you ain't hit on it
I got a spot that makes me drop
But you ain't hit on it

Cause you got to lay into it, before I check out of it
And I'm gonna check out of it because you laid into it
Cause you had to lay into it to make me check out of it
And I'm gonna check out of it because you laid into it

(He looked up at me with a dazed look and some ovine sanguination in his right nostril area and said)

Just hit my temple and you're halfway there
Cause if my brain checks out
Then my legs wont bear
I drubbed his chinny chin chin and said "My, my ,my"
What sort of swing might this proggie get jacked upon
I checked out Resister who was holding the bet
And wondered what sort of trip the old Marxist was on
The 40 kilo punch didn't stagger no more
When Resister got stupid and got up from the floor
He said Journodouche might win the bet
But he could take my hardest --OW!-- if I wasn't done yet

I told him "Just because a progg wants a plot in the ground
No reason to assume I wouldn't give a beatdown
So I spun him around, threw a left at his crown
And asked if he was a Gramscian clown
(Whaddya mean Gramsci, no Gramsci on me)

He was straight up reeling (Straight up)
I was wheeling and dealing
He surrendered to the beating (He meekly surrendered)
And started into keeling

Journodouche watched from his spot on the floor
With his head just a throbbing as he asks for more
Some blood dribbling down from the edge of his nose
As he spied the Resister in his keeling throes
He quivered and quaked and laughed at himself
While Resister made a joke about Trump's mental health
Till Journodouche finally did go mum
But I told him all he needed to be a little less dumb

Kiss my fist-ah .... Mist-ah
Hmm, a Trump resister
Would y'all like one more-ah
Drop you to the floor-ah
And how about you, Proggie
You groggy

Oh sure, you think I could interest you
In a zircon encrusted ice-pack

Icepack ... here let me refreeze it
Move those frozen peas

I really couldn't say where it's coming from
But I just decked a guy who's Journo-list scum
I strolled on over said, "Look here, Chump"
I got a 40-kilo punch if you keep dogging Trump
I whaled on his noggin' till my wrist got numb
And applied concussions with a cranial strum
I poked and choked till his face got numb
And you know I heard that Journo go mum

Journo go mum, Journo go mum
Journo go mum, Journo go mum ....

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Callmelennie - June 29, 2017 - Report this comment

Journo-list -- refers to a back channel, E-Mail network of liberal journalists, discovered in 2010, which was used to more tightly orchestrate whatever narrative was prevailing at any given moment

CML - June 29, 2017 - Report this comment

Believe it or else, I had yet another Zappa parody for this topic, based on "Dirty Love". I didn't include it because my back was killing me by the time I finished "Dynamo Hum." ...... BTW, those of you still young enough to sire offspring may not have heard of "Dynamo Hum." I would love to give you a link to it, but I could be brought up on charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor if I did -- especially if you are under the age of 21. It's that notorious

The Church Lady - June 29, 2017 - Report this comment

Aren't we having so much fun with violence.... Isn't that special!

If At First You Don't Succeed - June 29, 2017 - Report this comment

You can do better..... or can you? Why not have a ball with our Head of State attacking Mika for bleeding from her face, or whatever?

CML - June 29, 2017 - Report this comment

I'm just going where Zappa takes me, Church Lady

Claude Prez - June 29, 2017 - Report this comment

So I'm kind of allergic to partisan politics, but I do know both of these songs (though I'm not a huge Zappa guy). Just wanted you to know I appreciate the effort, and it was fun (and easy) to read along and remember the originals. Also, I think Aerosmith made a Dinah-Moe Hum reference in the 90's, unless I'm mistaken, maybe someone can clear that up for me. Anyway, well done, I'm a fan of quality over quantity.

CML - June 30, 2017 - Report this comment

Why not have a ball parodying Trump's tweeter-burn on Mika Brezinski's post-facelift recovery phase, asks IAFYDS ...... Because that's not my job; that's your job

IAFYDS - June 30, 2017 - Report this comment

Please, please won't you help me write about Mika's face? You have the talent, the high self-esteem, the arms. I have none of those. All I can do is rhyme "hate" with "menstruate." Plus I am currently pinned in a turned-over SUV and my smartphone battery is running low. Did I mention I have no legs?

CML - June 30, 2017 - Report this comment

Just to be clear, IAFYDS -- even as you are in the process of lost the lower half of your body in a horrific rollover accident, you still have the wherewithal to post a mildly irritating post on my thread? Seriously? I must say, I admire the purity and intensity of your anatagonism. I'm almost honored to be trolled by the likes of you ... unless I'm not. Maybe I can help you out here ...

CML - June 30, 2017 - Report this comment

So we are talking about Zbigniew Brezinski's daughter, correct? Without further ado ...... Oh she's a Zbig house .. She's Mika, Mika .. Just letting her Scarborough out ...... Oh she's a Zbig house .. That tweet was whack and that's a fact .. Ain't holding nothing back ...... Oh, she's a ZBIG house .. Nip-tucked together, everybody knows .. Warn't any blood that shows

IAFYDS - June 30, 2017 - Report this comment

No, no! We are talking about Mika BrZezinski, the MSNBC babe. That's the correct spelling. There's a big difference between her and Mika Brezinski, who was my third grade teacher in Cracow (or Krakow). The likes of me thanks you anyway for the great parody and for being my trollee (that sounds like an Irish streetcar). Well, my phone battery is just about dead. What a way to spend the Fourth of July weekend!

Henry Hill (narrating) - July 01, 2017 - Report this comment

So now, IAFYDS has CML as a partner. Any problems, he can go to CML. Trouble with a sub, he can go to CML. Trouble making up sock puppets, or with other trolls, he can go to CML. But now the guy's got to "five" CML whenever he posts. Dont like my politics? F#ck you, five me. Oh, never heard of the boomer-era OS? F#ck you, five me. Thought the third stanza was poorly paced? F#ck you, five me

Hank Hill - July 01, 2017 - Report this comment

Hundreds of guys depend on CML's help, and he gets a set of 5s for everything they write.

Frank Zapp - July 03, 2017 - Report this comment

Three hundred hours ago ... He thought he might be a pest .. He thought he'd get up in a candidate's face .. And I guess you all know the rest .... You know he wont troll no more .. It seems to him that it just ain't wise ..... Did you ever wake up in an ER .. From Gianforte hook between the eyes

Zappa Krappa - July 11, 2017 - Report this comment

Give me, Gianforte thump ... Like some tacky little dust up in Montana's special vote .. Give me, Gianforte thump .. I do believe you've 'ready asked that Q before .. I wont give no consolation, I dont have no reservation, I got a cranial destination .. For Gianforte thump

Mothers of Indention - July 11, 2017 - Report this comment

The Duder strikes (Come on, Greggy) .. The Duder bruised it (Slams him) ...... The Duder strikes (Come on, Greggy) .. The Duder bruised it (Not a speck of remorse)

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