I just got run over, I'm in pain dear
Kindly fetch my medication, please
You could say I'm Santa-Claustrophobic
Brought on by this hoof-in-mouth disease

I got trampled like a ragdoll
You can look, but please don't touch
The police investigation
Should determine cause of death if you don't rush

If you should commence to mourning
And you choose to dress in black
I am very fond of roses
But allergic to carnations and lilacs

I just got run over, I'm in pain dear
If I should pass away now please don't grieve
One request before they lay me under
Make sure they get these bloodstains off my sleeve

I've got asp'rin in the kitchen
There's Vicodin on the shelf
Even got some Oxycontin
If you ever need to use some help yourself

Bring my brownies from the fridge dear
And dad's whiskey from the den
I have tried deep meditation
But I lack the inspiration for the Zen

I just got run over, I'm in pain dear
Someone dial 9-1-1 for me
If they ever catch that sleigher Santa
They'd better charge him 'Murder - 1st degree'

Can you do me one small favor
Mow the lawn and pull the weeds
Cause your grandpa won't get to it
Now that I won't be around to beg and plead

Can you cancel dish and cable
Grandpa watches like a kid
Maybe send him to a rest home
So that they can bathe and feed him like I did

I just got run over, I'm in pain dear
Looks like it's the end of the party
Who'd have thought my death would be this tragic
I always thought I'd just die in my sleep

Oh
I hope they catch that furry little creep!