A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that golf swing used to make me smile
And I knew although there were gaffs
That he could make those people laugh
And maybe they'd be happy for a while
But January made me shiver
With every paper they delivered
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his many brides
But something touched me deep inside
The day the laughter died

(Refrain)
So bye-bye Mr. Monologue Guy
The great Carnac will not be back
At his regular time
Even Ed Macmahon just won't be laughing this time
Saying this'll be the day the jokes die
This'll be the day the jokes die

Did you watch the Tonight Show
And do you recall before Leno
If Ed Macmahon tells you so
Do you believe in comedy
Not central but on NBC
And does it always need profanity
Well I know that you were watching him
Cause you retold his jokes in the gym
You told those one liners
Man I dig those old timers
I was a lonely teenage wannabe
With a mouth that was really to big for me
But I knew who to try to be
The day the laughter died

I started singing
(refrain)

Now for twelve years we've been on our own
And Network ratings sank like a stone
But that's not how it used to be
When Floyd Turbo reeked of idiocy
And the monkeys came from Ms. Emery
And their dung it fell on you and me
And once the king went out of town
Jon Stewart stole his golden crown
Late night was not the same
The king had left the stage
And while Leno sniped at Letterman
Kilborn made fun of O'Brien
And we missed music from Severinsen
The day the laughter died

We were singing
(refrain)

Helter Skelter the ratings falter
The writers left for a sitcom shelter
Neilsens once high were falling fast
Seems executives were smoking grass
The networks tried for a replacement
With old Carson happy in retirement
Now some jokes were made don't get me wrong
And David and Jay can still be strong
We know there's still some laughs
Oh but the great days have come to pass
Cause the viewers now turn to South Park
The jokes are dirty and so dark
Do you recall each guests remarks
The day the laughter died

We started singing
(refrain)

Oh and there we were all in one place
Each generation sharing space
With no silly divisions
So come on, Johnny tell us, make us laugh
The President made a gaff
Satire is the people's trusted friend
Oh and as I watched him on the show
My belly convulsed with joy you know
No mere profanity
Could beat true wit you see
And as the guests gathered for the last night
To once more do the ancient rite
I saw Nixon laughing with delight
The day the laughter died

He was singing
(refrain)

I met a man who told the jokes
I asked him what new ones he had wrote
But he just smiled and turned away
I went down to the standup club
Where I'd laughed and smiled and grown up
But the man there said there were no jokes today
And on the news the pundits screamed
The cartoons swore and the housewifed dreamed
But not a joke was spoken
The laughtracks all were broken
And the three men I admired most
Severinsen, Ed and old Carson's Ghost
Knew we'd never replace the host
The day the laughter died

And they were singing
(refrain)

They were singing bye-bye Mr. Monologue Guy