Tits were little, too small
Coulda used a few pounds
Tight shirts showed flat and not round
Dreamin’ of stacked square boobies like big tart pies
And points all my own sittin' way up high
Way up firm and high

I lacked the Schwarzenegger goods top-heavy
No bulging headlights like a '60 Chevy
My shallow cleavage was makin’ me blue

Worried ‘bout my guy boobs
Why not make ‘em big, fat, tall and huge?
Worthless paltry slight boobs
It was bubbertime
Mm-mm, fatty meat bubbertime

I had no bubs, oh no, far from it
I’s just yearnin’ for a nice double-D summit
Like a Bill Hung, my chest was a board
Wishin’ mine were gourds

So I hauled on down to the fitness gyms
To the weightroom, with the Spandex and the muscley chins
I pushed up and bench pressed
I shaved and I Naired
Pectorally impaired

Workin' on my slight boobs
Tryin' to make my top shelf twins protrude
Workin' on my guy boobs
Mm-mm, man-tits ‘n’ bubbertime
Mm-mm, teats, bubbertime, bubbertime

“Hello! My doctor!
You helped me nicely!
And my chest is now a wonder!
Chest is now a wonder!...”

I awoke last night with my inserts tender--
Now enhanced by silicone rendered--
Started rubbing ‘em soft, they measure 42…

Ain't it funny how with guy boobs
When you just don't seem to have that much to prove--
Strange how a guy moves
With a bra exposin’ him…

(“Nice boobs!”) Guy boobs!
(“Nice boobs!”) Yeah…
(“Nice boobs!”) Kinda tender!
(“Nice boobs!”) Aw, sure are tender, my guy boobs!

(“Nice boobs!”) And I’m wigglin’…
Boobius Maximus! (“Nice boobs!”)
Workin’ and waxin’ ‘em! (“Nice boobs!”)
Oh, with the nice boobs! Nice boobs! (“Nice boobs!”)

Oh! (“Nice boobs!”) And they’re tender!
Oh, yeah, yeah, really tender!