It's nine o'clock on a Friday night
A bunch of his friends shuffle in
There's an old woman sitting next to me
With a bra that’s a little too thin

She says, "Son can you cook me a special dish,”
It’s the one I specifically chose
And it's soft and it's savory
And it’s delicious risotto
And it's one that my ex-husband loathes

Serve us with tongs you're the risotto man
Serve us with tongs tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a dinner party
And you've got us feeling alright

Now John cross the table is a friend of mine
He gets me into these parties for free
He saved Billy Joel when he started to choke
While singing a song from River of Dreams

He says, "Phil, I believe this is killing me."
As a smile ran away from his face
"Well, I'm sure that I could be a friend of Elton John
If Billy would let me out of this place."

Now Paul is a big-time con-artist
Who always carries with him a knife
And he's talking with Davy, who's chugging the gravy
And because of it, may lose his life

And his 4th wife is passing out martinis
As the businessmen compare what they own
Yes they're sharing a drink they call jealousy
But it's better than drinking alone

Serve us with tongs you're the risotto man
Serve us with tongs tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a dinner party
And you've got us feeling alright

It's a pretty good crowd for a Friday night
And the man himself gives me a smile
'Cause he knows that it's me who’s planted all those trees
To save those wild crocodiles

And the chicken it tastes like a piece of cardboard
And the venison smells like dead deer
Christie Brinkley’s in her car with her out-of-tune guitar
And says, "Man, why can’t I have a real career?"

Serve us with tongs you're the risotto man
Serve us with tongs tonight
Well we're all in the mood for a dinner party
And you've got us feeling alright