Now we know couch jumping
can wreck a career, yeah
like lightning
it will disappear
so steer clear of
O-o-o-prahs, and
don't pro-pose
on Eiffel to-wers

Oh, dear Tom
it seems to me
you have left plan-et earth
ditched Nicole
Vanilla Sky
and all this stuff about a silent birth

With all your millions, yeah
you should have maintained
a good agent
to make you seem sane
but the horse has gone and bolted I fear
cos a razzie
has a meaning that's clear

Of your love
we didn't need
evidence uncool
if you had
crashed right through the floor
could not have looked more
like a com-plete fool

Kat-ie Holmes
you've sure made your bed, do you
wish you'd met
Mike Jackson instead
at least he's got
bet-ter taste in clothes, yeah
and a more
appealing nose

Love talkin'
we can't take no more, yeah
just stay home
and please bolt the door
change nappies
and see what it's like
to have bab-y
food flicked in your eye

Couch jumping
there go the springs, yeah
couch jumping
and all the stitching
couch jumping
there go the cushions
couch jumping
take a valium

Love talkin'
is all very fine, yeah
and couch jumping isn't a crime
but if there's somebody
you'll love till you die
then tell them but
no-one else besides

Stop talkin'