Christmas Day will soon be here -
I'ts that crazy time of year.
Your Old Man won a prize -
The lamp in the window -
Heats up the winter gloom -
Like a burlesque show.

Ralphie's happy family -
Bringing home the Christmas tree.
Alas, the car breaks down -
Dad dropped the nuts and bolts -
And made them fly around.
You really did lose it. Oh, Ralphie!

You learned a bad word from your Daddy,
How come he's in a lather? Oh, Ralphie!
You're sucking a bar of Lifebouy.
Your Mom's on the warpath. Oh, Ralphie!

You drank up all your Ovaltine -
Saved labels for a piece of tin.
What did you expect, but advertising -
No special bulletin -
The whole thing was lying. Oh, Ralphie!

You were ripped off by Little Orphan Annie -
She's drumming up business. Oh, Ralphie!
It's a fishing expidition to make money -
You're on a junk mail list! Oh, Ralphie!

Christmas Day's today, the snow is falling -
There is a Santa Claus,
The presents are waiting. Oh, Ralphie!

Be careful, you got what you wished for -
Or you'll poke out your eyes. Oh, Ralphie!
The hounds came and trashed Christmas dinner -
Now you're eating Chinese! Oh, Ralphie!