Ty Webb putts upon the Bushwood greens,
Smails scoffs at the people of modest means
Carl grows grass that will get you high
His mission for the day is the gopher must die

Brown Gopher, get him out of Bushwood
Brown Gopher, Carl had misunderstood
Woo!

Al drinks beer from a keg in his bag
Ladies Carl likes are just old hags
Looper dreams he's the Cinderella Boy
Shoots at the gopher that looks like a toy

Brown Gopher, varmit guts would be good
Brown Gopher, seem like you understood

Ah, get you now, brown gopher, think like an animal now
Ah got my gun site on the, brown gopher, just like a hunter should yeah

Cannon ball commin' Ty and Carl chug down
Lacy beds men all over the town
Caddie Day swim leaves a mental scar
Doodie in the pool is nothing but a Clark Bar

Brown Gopher, how do you dance around
Brown Gopher, you're making Carl unsound

Well,
Noonan plays well as he making the scene
Hits on Lacy and gets right onto her green
Smails says caddy him to make things right
Against Webb and Czervik, it's gonna be a fight

Brown Gopher, Carl's gonna blow you out
Brown Gopher, C4 has lots of clout

Noonan's last shot just hung onto the green
Carl blew the golf course into smithereens
The ball dropped in and Ty's team won
Smails renegged so Al got his chums and

Brown Gopher, he's gonna get away
Brown Gopher, dance for another day, yeah

I said fore, fore, fore, two!
How come you...how come Smails got in the way?
Bill.., Bill.., Bill.., Baroooo!
Don't eat like ...eat like Spalding will
Pick.., Pick..., Pick..., Eeew!