Joan was quizzical.
Her attraction's physical.
She would bring him home.
Even though he's actor Australian.
Whoa-oh-oh-oh.

Max Rockatansky
Road Warrior, yes is he.
In three big-time flicks.
Sometimes he's a favorite of fans
if not critics.

But as he walks on the carpet of red
he's drunk, falls to the floor.

Bang, bang!
Max-Mel's still so hammered!
Fell down on his head!
Bang, bang!
Max-Mel's still so hammered!
But his career ain't dead!

Back to Loew's, schleppin'
to see new "Lethal Weapon."
Mel plays Martin Riggs.
Gets himself in fixes, they're so big.
Oy-yi-yi-yi.
Danny Glover tries
to save Mel and other guys
in Los Angeles.
Writing scripts like this awful big mess
don't win no prize.

But when we turn our back on the boy
he falls on his behind.

Bang, bang!
Max-Mel's still so hammered!
Fell down on his head!
Bang, bang!
Max-Mel's still so hammered!
But his career ain't dead!

(instrumental break)

Driving 81.
Cops, they've caught a dirty one.
Max-Mel stands alone.
Painting anti-Semitic pictures.
Oy-yi-yi vey.

Rosie and Marie
serving duty of jury
say he must go free.
(Max-Mel must go free!)
The judge does not agree
and he tells them so.
Uh-oh-oh.

But as the words are leaving his lips
Mel barfs upon the judge!

Bang, bang!
Max-Mel's still so hammered!
Fell down on his head!
Bang, bang!
Max-Mel's still so hammered!
Now his career is dead!
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!

(instrumental break)

Still so hammered!

(instrumental close)