jared is a nerd who used to be oversize
kinda waddled when he walked cause he had a pair of big fat thighs
you don't know how many meals he piled inside his tummy
you don't know how many things he thought were oh so yummy
you don't know how many times he felt just like a dummy
it was sad to watch as
jared stuffed his face and then jared chewed

jared often heard that dieting was good for you
he could live a longer life and he'd probably get laid more too
and he is not gonna be the one who's overweight
and he is not gonna be the one without a date
and he is not gonna be the one who chances fate
by being so unhealthy
jared wants to drop some pounds, jared do

jared always thought that he would never find
a sandwich to help him lose weight
that had the right amount of lettuce
just the right bun
that would make him slim
make him trim
and make the women go out of their minds

now jared is a thin man
he's of normal size
and he succeeded
cause he's finally gotten wise
he watched his diet
and strove to exercise
when all he wanted was to lay around in bed
consuming pizza pies

jared told the world that subway was the reason why
that he lost two hundred pounds and he turned into a normal guy
but jared realized that story wouldn't stick
because that rotten food at subway made him sick
but then he thought another spokesman, they would pick
and so he lied about it
they loved what he said
and they loved jared too
and they do...love him too
and they do...love him too
jared's still a nerd