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Song Parodies -> "Why Do We Have A Problem With Sharia"
Original Song Title:
"How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria"
Original Performer:
Sound of Music
Parody Song Title:
"Why Do We Have A Problem With Sharia"
Parody Written by:
Phil Alexander
The Lyrics
Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury, caused a bit of a stir last week by reportedly suggesting that it was inevitable that parts of Sharia law would be incorporated into UK law... except that he was almost universally misquoted, and that wasn't what he was saying at all.
Like the true turn-the-other-cheek type, instead of blaming the people who were too lazy to find out what he actually said, he blamed himself for "unclarity" in the way he said it. I'm hoping the same lack of litigiousness will apply if he ever reads this, given that I'm putting words into his mouth: the following is theoretically being sung by the Archbishop (or possibly Rory Bremner.. I was very struck at how much Rowan Williams sounded exactly like the Bremner impression of him)
Like the true turn-the-other-cheek type, instead of blaming the people who were too lazy to find out what he actually said, he blamed himself for "unclarity" in the way he said it. I'm hoping the same lack of litigiousness will apply if he ever reads this, given that I'm putting words into his mouth: the following is theoretically being sung by the Archbishop (or possibly Rory Bremner.. I was very struck at how much Rowan Williams sounded exactly like the Bremner impression of him)
You'd think I'd guess what all the press
Would run front page today
'Cause right on cue, they misconstrue
Oh, everything I say
I never did suggest Is-
Lamic law in the UK
I wonder if I should have been a rabbi?
They're always fearmong'ring
Making every threat seem real
"They're going to chop the hands right off
Of anyone who'd steal!"
(I hate to have to say it
But that last one has appeal)
Hmm.. is it too late to be a rabbi?
But I'd like to make one thing quite clear:
Sharia's not law here
Why do we have a problem with Sharia?
Why is it something Christian folks abhor?
Can you explain away the sense of fear?
A terrorist terror! A share of a Sharia Law
Maybe a witch - let's all go out and stone her!
Many a thief who'd like to lend a hand
But isn't it so remiss
Suggesting they're all like this?
How do you make the public understand?
Oh, why do we have a problem with Sharia?
It's not like it's going to cover *all* the land...
For Sharia is a mix
Of culture, God and politics
It's a bit like Christianity in that
There's some "Turn the other cheek"-guys
Or less tolerant OT(T)-guys
Who's a Christian?
Who's a Muslim?
Who's a prat?
But some men's religious zest
Makes 'em holier-than-the-rest
So they mistake what all those rules are really for
Girls can't go out... or they can!
Girls are worth 'bout half a man!
It's a headache! It's a riddle!
It's the law
Why do we have a problem with Sharia?
Surely it isn't just that hijab veil?
Terrible how the tabloids interfere:
A Telegraph snippet! The lead in the Daily Mail!
Many a thing within is somewhat queer
Many a thing we ought to understand
But in the UK, of course
It doesn't have legal force
Who cares what a small minority demand?
So, why do we have a problem with Sharia?
It never will be the Law of Eng-er-land
Would run front page today
'Cause right on cue, they misconstrue
Oh, everything I say
I never did suggest Is-
Lamic law in the UK
I wonder if I should have been a rabbi?
They're always fearmong'ring
Making every threat seem real
"They're going to chop the hands right off
Of anyone who'd steal!"
(I hate to have to say it
But that last one has appeal)
Hmm.. is it too late to be a rabbi?
But I'd like to make one thing quite clear:
Sharia's not law here
Why do we have a problem with Sharia?
Why is it something Christian folks abhor?
Can you explain away the sense of fear?
A terrorist terror! A share of a Sharia Law
Maybe a witch - let's all go out and stone her!
Many a thief who'd like to lend a hand
But isn't it so remiss
Suggesting they're all like this?
How do you make the public understand?
Oh, why do we have a problem with Sharia?
It's not like it's going to cover *all* the land...
For Sharia is a mix
Of culture, God and politics
It's a bit like Christianity in that
There's some "Turn the other cheek"-guys
Or less tolerant OT(T)-guys
Who's a Christian?
Who's a Muslim?
Who's a prat?
But some men's religious zest
Makes 'em holier-than-the-rest
So they mistake what all those rules are really for
Girls can't go out... or they can!
Girls are worth 'bout half a man!
It's a headache! It's a riddle!
It's the law
Why do we have a problem with Sharia?
Surely it isn't just that hijab veil?
Terrible how the tabloids interfere:
A Telegraph snippet! The lead in the Daily Mail!
Many a thing within is somewhat queer
Many a thing we ought to understand
But in the UK, of course
It doesn't have legal force
Who cares what a small minority demand?
So, why do we have a problem with Sharia?
It never will be the Law of Eng-er-land
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User Comments
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Sharia: don't mess with that girl, son. . .Sharia./Or your head will be found sundered and on the ground. Heed me.
It seems that the Archbishop explained why parts of Sharia law should be incorporated into UK law, but he didn't say which parts... Very well done, Phil, particularly the "Telegraph snippet" and the "terrorist terror! A share of a Sharia Law" line.
Thing is, John, he didn't say that any of Sharia should be incorporated into UK law, simply that it should be recognized that there are those in Muslim communities who would prefer for some things to be resolved without recourse to UK courts (as happens already, and not just for Muslims), but that this method of resolution should be recognized officially. At least, that's what it seemed to me he was saying - the newspapers and broadcast media all seemed to think he was saying something different (or quite possibly they knew perfectly well what he was saying, but that wouldn't have sold newspapers)
Brilliant as usual Phil.
I still lok out here for your parodies, even though I have left forum
Thanks, Sue - it's somehow comforting to know you're still around :-)
Quite a grand parody. I enjoyed siging along with it, I love the original song, and this made it even funnier.
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