Are you going to shop for men's wear?
Nieman Marcus, Macy's and Sears
Take the elevator upstairs
'Till the number seven appears.

Be sure to buy an Armani suit
( I know where they are a steal. )
J.C. Penney, Costco and Sears
( I know Bill Clinton has garage sales. )
Then the girls will think you are cute
( Wearing the wrong clothes will make you look gay. - snort- )
When you wear a real man's gear.
( Make sure the zippers don't - snicker - bite, oy vay. )

Be sure to buy shirts made of cambric
( Under the counter Ralph Laurens by bulk )
J.C. Penney's, Target and Sears
( A slight imperfection will get you a bargain. )
A plain gold tie of finest silk
( It don't mean a thing if you wear too much bling. )
Then you'll have a real man's gear.

Be sure you have enough underwear
( Long, long ago your mother said so. )
Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren and Sears
( You never know where you're gonna end up. )
If it fits right it won't bunch together
( If it should show the guys'll give you wedgies. )
When you wear new underwear.

Are you going to shop for men's wear?
Nieman Marcus, Nordstrom and Sears
Take the elevator upstairs
Check the storeroom in the rear.