Where have all my Whatsapps gone, thwarted by technology?
Where have all my Whatapps gone, long time ago?
Twenty-twenty’s now a blur, surely scientists must concur,
When will I ever learn?
When will I ever learn?

Messages sent here and there, grown men free to curse and swear,
Were they backed-up in The Cloud? Don’t ask me I’m vain and proud;
Whatsapp messages expired, faster than my spads were hired,
When will I ever learn?
When will I ever learn?

Accusations off-the-cuff, our Whatsapp groupies jousted rough,
Like bobbing boats off Dover’s shore, impulsive rants so short and raw,
A few exposed by Simon Case, but most now drift in cyberspace,
None of this is your concern,
Why should you ever learn?

I searched old telephones in vain, perhaps I left one on a train,
Let down by technology, triggering anxiety -
A full account I’d love to give, but memory’s quite like a sieve,
When will I ever learn?
When will I ever learn?

Hear my pleas across this city, thank God for brainbox Christopher Whitty,
His diligence and tidy diary, giving guidance to our Inquiry.
I should have learned from Italy, instead of texting bitterly,
When will I ever learn?
When will I ever learn?

Where have all my Whatsapps gone, a chapter lost to history,
Where have all my Whatsapps gone, that remains a mystery,
Twenty-twenty's now a blur, smart technologists please concur,
When will I ever learn?
When will I ever learn?