Gropin' around the xmas tree
At the office party flop
Horn dogs hang ev'rywhere you look
Suckin' booze like hogs snort slop

Grindin' around the xmas tree
Watch the pervos grab and cling
Later we'll have some pumpkin pie
And coat room diddling

Todd will get a sentimental feeling
When he hears
Voices in his head that posit:
'Hide again in bathroom closet..'

Stumblin' around the xmas tree
Seeking gassed-up gals to lay
Everyone's gawking merrily
At the face with pepper spray

(Boots Randolph sax break as platter of bean dip hits the floor)

You will get an 'ornamental' feeling
When it lands
A smartly hand-thrown xmas mug
Scales the room and smacks your jug

Rollin' around the xmas tree
Such fun, but time to go
Join the neighbors caroling
While peeing in the snow-o-o