If you are unfamiliar with the Adult Swim show "China, IL" then you probably will not understand this at all. But it is a superhero parody that I wanted to write based on Episode 16. In this episode, Frank Smith bets everyone at the Town Bar a plate of cheese sticks that within 1 week he will become Channel 8's "Person of the Day." He paints his car with claims of being a poet, philosopher, and masseuse and sends Ch 8 a videotape. When interviewed by pimple-back Golden Bowl he is asked to perform his masseuse duty and is grossed out and doesn't get the honor. That goes to a fellow teacher that talks about her 2 cats! Frank then goes out and gets two rare white Siberian Tigers named "Shasta" and "7-Up" that escape. Finally, Frank turns to Man-child Babycakes for advice on how to become a superhero and randomly chooses the red and gold uniform of the Chinese flag (kinda fitting b/c they are in China, IL). Frank's first attempt to rescue two window washers ends in disappointment when he breaks the glass and gets shards in their eyes and then drops them b/c his gloves were loose. A second attempt with the same two guys ends in tragedy when one falls and is eaten by "7-Up!" Finally, Frank tries to save Pony from his brother Steve who is threatening to kill Pony with gasoline to prove that they are NOT in love (a ruse). But Babycakes comes storming in and takes the girl b/c his dad gave him a porno mag and he doesn't know what to do with his hands and "MUST SHAKE GIRL!" Frank is shown-up by Steve who rescues Pony by suggesting to Babycakes that he use his hands on his junk! CH 8 recognizes Steve and Pony as "Persons of the Day" while Frank is arrested. A passerby student reminds Frank of the cheese stick bet...

*China-Man (aka Professor Frank Smith of UCI, China, IL)
** "7-Up" is a 500 lb white Siberian Tiger on the loose
***Pony is Professor Steve Smith's TA @ UCI
**** the original bet at the Town Bar