Suburban Wife's Sick-of-Home Blues

Johnny's in the basement,
Mixin' up dad's implements.
You're making payments
To the friggin' government.
One kid has got trenchmouth,
Got a bad cough.
Your husband got laid off. . .
Hoggin' at the boss's trough.
Mind those kids,
They're out buyin' lids�
Payin' ten
For a bag that's full of stems.
The garbage truck in the alleyway
Makin' the trash cans bend.
Jar's bruised your skin, 'cause the cap
Won't open.
Got eleven months of bills. . .
Can only pay ten.
Like to have feet put
On a cassock, 'cause
You're just feelin' beat, but
Gotta make the bed up.
Phone ain't workin' today.
Your cell's screen is stuck on "A."
You must dust�the cloth is stained.
Order-keepin''s a pain.
Zoned-out kids;
The dumb dog took a whiz,
So walk on tiptoes
And hold your nose
Try to water your prize rose�
Your neighbor's stolen your hose.
On TV, the weather man
Says "heat," but it's ten below.
That slick hair gel�
Put it on, the strands fell.
Ring the bell; pests sell
Junk that you don't need�this is hell!
That hard glass shard�
Marred your thumb nail,
Impaled. Junk mail
From Macy's�they got a sale.
F*ck this sh*t!
You want a big hit,
But booze is cheaper;
Kids are users;
Each one's got a beeper.
Get in the whirlpool�
You view a floating stool.
Who cranked the heater?
Watch the 'lectric meter.
Above norm�it's warm.
Mend pants, diazepam, in a trance
Undressed. Get fressed?
Can't get him to say "yes."
Tease, stir, please quim�your rift
Won't make him lift
Twenty years of toolin';
He's no longer got a stick shift.
That last kid
Stretched out your lips' lid.
Now he won't hump�that a**hole
Even if you handle
Or mandible
His quickly shrinking manfull
You wanna get you some.
Like gum in the sun,
His pump don't work,
So you have span a candle.