Oh, what'cha been thinking, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what'cha been thinking, my darling young one?
I've stumbled on a problem of monstrous dimensions
Introduced by some friends with the best of intentions
That baffles the mind and defies explanation
And threatens the bonds of our civilization
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, and it's a hard,
And it's a hard roll's a-gonna fall.

Oh, what did you see, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what did you see, my darling young one?
I saw a feast on the table with stunning appeal
As the folks settled in for their Thanksgiving meal
But the rolls that were served would soon be discussed
As they seemed to be 'cased in a weapons-grade crust
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
And it's a hard roll's a-gonna fall.

And where have you been, my blue-eyed son?
And where have you been, my darling young one?
I've been to the kitchen to ponder and think
I've searched through the drawers and even the sink
I've emptied the cabinets in hopes to unmask
A suitable tool, one that's up to the task
And it's a hard, and it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
And it's a hard roll's a-gonna fall.

Oh, what'cha been doing, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what'cha been doing, my darling young one?
I've sawed and I've clawed with a force transcendental
I've broken the blades of a dozen utensils
I've pulled and I've squeezed till my nails all were broken
I've muttered some curses that'd be best left unspoken
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
It's a hard roll's a-gonna fall.

Oh, what'll you do now, my blue-eyed son?
Oh, what'll you do now, my darling young one?
I'm a-going outside 'fore the stores start to closing
With intent to resolve this dilemma imposing
I'll purchase some tools no matter the prices
Jackhammers, chainsaws and other devices
I'll return to the kitchen and stand on the table
And I'll chop and I'll slash till the rolls are disabled
I'll gouge them and pound till they're beat to submission
But I won't start to chew till I've finished my mission
And it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard, it's a hard,
It's a hard roll's a-gonna fall.