It’s tomato (no, tomahto, no, tomato, no, tomahto)
It’s potato (no, potahto, no, potato, no, potahto)

I say “tomato”
And you say that I’m dead wrong.
“Tomahto,” you insist.
It’s still that red thing,
Doesn’t change with its title.
Why does this fight exist?

You know, I think there’s
Too many similar words,
Like “fog,” “low clouds,” and “mist.”
Two names for one thing
It’s like “George W. Bush” and
“Humanity’s cyst.”

“Flat mountain”
And “plateau,”
“Lost frisbee,”
“UFO,”
“One-eared dude”
and “Van Gogh,”
“Worthless bum” and “CEO.”

We need solutions,
Simplify all this madness.
We must mean what we say.
Let’s all agree that
It’s become pointless to guess:
“Dead woodchuck” or “toupee?”

It’s so confusing, my brain’s
Just about to splatter--
I mean gray matter!

“Antoinette,”
“Headless queen,”
“Farting less,”
“Going green,”
“Elephant,”
“Poop machine,”
“Wad of ads” and “magazine
“For teens.”

It’s tomato!
No, it’s tomahto!
It’s a veggie!
No way, it’s fruity!

“My dog’s confused,”
“Homework excuse,”
“Snails without shells,”
They’re slugs--can’t you tell?
Thesaurus, I think
Should really be extinct.

“Traffic cones,”
“Witches’ hats,”
“Fresh roadkill,”
“Dog went splat,”
“Little kid,”
“Screaming brat,”
“Teeny rug,”
“Welcome mat.”

“TV” and
“Id’yut box,”
“Random guess,”
“Buying stocks,”
“Shoes of death,”
“Purple Crocs,”
“Eleventh plague,” “chicken pox.”
It sucks!

(It’s tomato)
Say it right!
(No, it’s tomahto)
I insist!
(You know, I have)
Why does this fight
(A deep hatred)
Still exist?
(For tomatoes...)