Song Parodies -> "Book Report"

Original Song Title:

"Last Resort"

^(MP3)

Original Performer:

"Book Report"

Parody Written by:

The Lyrics

Personally, I love reading and KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!!

This is my third grade thesis
Must write a book report
But I really... Hate reading
Pick out a book? With these cliff notes I’m cheating
To write my book report

Must write this halfway decent
I’ll ace my book report
Cause in class I’m caught sleeping
I’ll take a look, At your paper I’m peeping
You don’t like to share? That’s why I’m creeping

That book’s too long, Want something slight!
Picked “Green Eggs And Ham” to write
Teacher puts up a fight
Need to be a book that’s wide
So that Dr. Seuss ain’t gonna slide

Want to read something light, What can I find?
“The Little Prince”, “A Wrinkle In Time”
This is a fright, I’m in a bind
“The Giving Tree”, “Harriet The Spy”

Want my work minimized, I’ll pick one that’s slim
Cause I’m only eight, Books belong in trash bins
Dummy, Reading is heinous, You won’t see me grin
Brain is stifled: Big words but I’m dim

I’m not spellbound by that Harry Potter
The movies are great but the books are a rotter
Thousands of pages suck, I’m not a geek like Neville
JK Rowling won’t lead me to revel

Cause I’m not all that bright, Want to unwind
I’ll play games and I’ll go melt my mind
Those novels bite so my gears grind
Wouldn’t use brail if I just went blind!

Words in my sight, They make me whine

“The Hobbit”? I’m not trying!
Not eyeing!
Not buying!
Not prying!
Mind’s frying!
“Gone… with… the… Wind…” is… a… huge… pain!

Won’t touch “Wind In The Willows”
Screw this dumb book report
“The Outsiders” is boring
I’m not sad enough to read “Tuesdays with Morrie”

I’ll pick this one: “Lord of the Flies”
I’ll just skim the Wiki site
Don’t want to waste my night
Since this story is my plight
Think I’ll make it all up on the “Fly”

“In a magical light this one strange guy
Changed this body: Grew wings from his spine
Now he has flight, Takes to the skies
Things get rocky on garbage he dines

Becomes a knight but the king dies

He’s running the whole country”
MY… RE…PORT'S… DONE… I’LL… GET… AN… A

Teacher’s stunned… Won’t give an A…
Nothing was… RIGHT!!!

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Max Power - October 11, 2016 - Report this comment

I almost thought the ending was a reference to that Cronenberg movie with Jeff Goldblum.

Abbott Skelding - October 18, 2016 - Report this comment

This was a perfect title sub, but the topic seemed to go all over the place (add in the fact that, like David Spade on SNL, "I'm not a big reader..."), and the pacing was not your best effort. A solid idea, but could use more tweaking.

bobpiecheese - October 18, 2016 - Report this comment

(Artistry) I don't think I ever had to do a book report. There were books we all studied as a class together (Lord of the Flies, To Kill a Mockingbird, etc) but not one we picked ourselves. Anyway, this was a great parody peaking into the mind of a snot-nosed little brat who refuses to try new things. 555 novels!

Blaydeman - October 19, 2016 - Report this comment

(Artistry) Ugh! I couldn't stand book reports back in school. I was a super procrastinator and book reports are annoying. Ironically, as an actor, I have to read scripts and plays all the time and I love analyzing them, basically doing a book report for myself. I guess things are more fun when when you're facilitating them. As for your parody, I loved all the literary references and I think you had fun with them too. Was the story super focused, no, but I still enjoyed it a lot.

Rob Arndt - October 19, 2016 - Report this comment

I was the opposite, I loved book reports because I read a lot. My teachers had to tell me to limit my reports to 1000 words as I usually wrote 2000+! And when I graduated, my brother's friend asked me to do a history report for him. He paid me $12 because he needed a high grade. But he had the same teacher as I had. So, I wrote the 12 page report, asked him to rewrite it in his handwriting and to use his terminology vs mine. Then I proofed it and asked him to rewrite portions again. The teacher gave him an A- with a note in red on the front: "Don't you live up the street from Robert Arndt?" Jerry ( his true name) later appalled parents with a diorama of the Holocaust with skeletons in ovens on a military set with a motorized King Tiger keeping guard!!! I got in trouble for making a symbolic Nazi armband for history class years earlier. It had to be removed but the principal said it was a mock armband that showed creative effort as I had sewn it together myself. I got a B. Btw, 555 for the parody.

CML - October 19, 2016 - Report this comment

When I was a freshman in college at ASU, I was in Honors English. There was one assignment where we were to take one symbolically freighted word and define it in an essay. So what I did was copy an article from Reader's Digest that basically did the that very thing. It even had the requisite one word title. I got a 95 for that assignment which allowed me to get a B for the semester ....... And the title of that Reader's Digest article was (wait for it .. wait for it ..) "Honor" .... That's a true story, Kay.

Bookworm - October 19, 2016 - Report this comment

So Rob, when you weren't hanging out with the Hitlerjugend and making creative Nazi armbands, what did you read as a kid? Mein Kampf? The Protocols of the Elders of Zion? On War by von Clausewitz?

!@#$%^&* - October 19, 2016 - Report this comment

What's wrong with reading Von Clauswwitz? Guy knew his s&*t

Rob Arndt - October 19, 2016 - Report this comment

"On War" was published in 1830 long before Prussia unified Germany and 103 years before the Third Reich. When you stereotype, do your fact checking first! Btw, Prussian Baron von Steuben taught the Continental Army how to drill, fight, and maintain a modern military camp with proper hygiene and cooking. Before 1773, the Patriots were a rag-tag crew of slovenly misfits who lived in their own filth. Washington was glad to get von Steuben. It's obvious you've never read his "Blue Book."

Rob Arndt - October 19, 2016 - Report this comment

In addition to "Mein Kampf" there is also Hitler's second book "Zweites Buch." I'm 100% sure I'm the only one who's read that here. In the 1980s I also read annually every copy of "Soviet Military Power" I ordered from the US Government Printing Office. These were the same as Congressmen were issued. Clancy used these for his novels. FYI

Bookworm - October 19, 2016 - Report this comment

Rob, I expected that you read Hitler's "Zweites Buch." But as a kid, did you read Mann, Goethe and Kafka? Have you read them as an adult? Did you groove to Beethoven and Mendelssohn? Btw, thanks for winning the American Revolution for us. Where I live, there's a Steuben Day parade. It's very precise. As you know, at Valley Forge von Steuben met his reputed future lover, Captain Benjamin Walker. Upon meeting Walker for the first time he exclaimed "If I had seen an angel from Heaven I should not have more rejoiced." Within weeks, Walker was Steuben's aide-de-camp. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

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