Need to head out of here
Recharge myself, get back in gear
Heading for the wilderness
This city boy sure needs a rest

I'll live just like a pioneer
I've got my lawn chair and my beer
I'll sit out there among the trees
And call pizza delivery

But I was startled when I arrived
At my rental camping site
There's no telephone or lights
At my rental camping site

There's no broadband access jack
For my Xbox and my Mac
No place to plug my TV
They've got no electricity

There's a bathroom down the trail
The odor makes a strong man quail
Took a look inside a stall
I don't think those were meatballs

Wasps are swarming from a hive
At my rental camping site
Poison ivy is in my eyes
At my rental camping site

The ants are biting at my toes
I realize now that camping blows
I'm being stalked by grizzly bears
Where's the concierge?

I can't believe that I'm still alive
At my rental camping site
I think my crotch is full of lice
At my rental camping site

Packing up now, I leave tonight
From my rental camping site
I think a Hyatt will be just right
That's the place I want, for my camping site

Leaving tonight
Need a Starbucks tonight