[Hook]
The pie's gone cold, I'm wondering why I'm, the fairest one of all
The evil queen stood by the mirror, she set me up to fall
And even if I'm pretty, I should stay, level-headed, standing tall
Dearest mommy, Florian's not too bad, he's not too bad...

The pie's gone cold, I'm wondering why I'm, the fairest one of all
The evil queen stood by the mirror, she set me up to fall
And even if I'm pretty, I should stay, level-headed, standing tall
Dearest mommy, Florian's not too bad, he's not too bad...

[Snow White]
Dear Flo, It's been days but you weren't coming
I baked some cakes, rehearsed and got a ball gown with that collar
The emissary came in autumn, you must not've got 'em
I chalk it up to a problem with the diplomats or something
Sometimes I do solo operas too sappy when I act them
But anyway, screw it, how's it going, how's your kingdom?
The dwarfs are doing good, it's like I am their mother
Dealing with step-mother, she is quite a bother
Her name's Grimhilde
I read about your little kingdom, too, it's lovely
I know my father offered yours over some sort of alliance
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even did a crudely made figure of you, so glam
I plucked them flowers, do you love me? Do you love me not?
I like that stunt you did with Astor, too, you are that hot
Anyways, I hope you get this, fam, please write back
Love me back, pretty please, you're my beau
This is Snow

[Hook]
The pie's gone cold, I'm wondering why I'm, the fairest one of all
The evil queen stood by the mirror, she set me up to fall
And even if I'm pretty, I should stay, level-headed, standing tall
Dearest mommy, Florian's not too bad, he's not too bad...

[Snow White]
Dear Flo, I still don't see your coat, I hope we ought to court
I ain't mad, I think it's just messed up our play date was short
If you didn't wanna date me right in the courtyard
You didn't have to, but we could've played some checkers like we used to
I've learned from my father, man, I was only six years old
I waited in the Bavarian cold for you
For twelve hours and you just said, "Yo"
That's pretty scummy, sir, I thought you didn't like me
I want to be royal again, but Mother says I can't, gee
I just feel sad though, this humdrum life's quite a bore too
Remember back in late December, you said if I'd write you
You would write back - see I'm just orphaned here anyway
I never knew my father neither
He died when I was ten; my mom way earlier
And when I'm bored I stop and burst into a song
So birds and beasts flock by each day, they chirp away and I sing on
Cause I don't really have much friends and I can't mingle with the guests
The castle staff's the only ones who I can chat and jest
Sometimes I peer the wishing well to see how much it goes
And then there's echoing, such duets are just not enough for me
See, being pals with you I feel, is the only way I really see it
Stepmother's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7
But she's so vain and envy me so much, why'd she does?
She don't know beauty isn't just how we should look like at skin deep
We gotta talk some, fam, I'd be distraught and sad if you refuse
Sincerely yours, Snow
P.S.
I'll give you some diamonds too

[Hook]
The pie's gone cold, I'm wondering why I'm, the fairest one of all
The evil queen stood by the mirror, she set me up to fall
And even if I'm pretty, I should stay, level-headed, standing tall
Dearest mommy, Florian's not too bad, he's not too bad...

[Snow White]
Dear Mister Ferdinand, Charming or Buckethead
This will be the last letter I'll write beside my bed
It's been years since I've been a maid, do I deserve it?
You know I want a life that's better;
My folks have once since been more than perfect.
This must be that curse meant for me and you, you ought to know it
I'm on a steed right now, I'm going reckless in the forest
Hey Flo, I'll torment my stepmother, you dare me to try?
You know that film by Walt Disney, wilderness that's so white
Like when they try to throw off scores of unaware little lemmings?
They faked it, and folks saw it all, they went all batty?
That's kinda' how this is, you could've rescued this poor old lady
She's full of hate! Based on some advice from dear old Grumpy
And all she wanted was to be the fairest one of all
I'm sick and tired of hearing "Mirror, mirror, on the wall"
I loved you, Flo, I know we're meant together, think about it
My life's a mess now, I hope it gets you and your kingdom buys it
And when you dream I hope those fairies troll your sleep and scare you
I hope I've mocked and bullied you; I'm better off without you
See, Flo- shut up, hag, I'm trying to write
Hey, Flo, that's Grimhilde who couldn't even bite
But I didn't rip her heart, I just locked her up; see, I don't like you
'Cause if she's overthrown, the people praise me and then I'm queen too.
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh dear, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this thing out?

[Hook]
The pie's gone cold, I'm wondering why I'm, the fairest one of all
The evil queen stood by the mirror, she set me up to fall
And even if I'm pretty, I should stay, level-headed, standing tall
Dearest mommy, Florian's not too bad, he's not too bad...

[Prince]
Dear Snow, I'm sorry this came later, but things here are crazy
My kingdom's ruled by reagents now, you know you gotta hear ye
Miss, I'm really touched that you're infatuated, so
And here's a present for your Grumpy
I doubt he'd really like it though
I'm sorry I really scared you at the well, I didn't mean to
I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable; you don't have to
But why you'd focus on just me and not your little Reich, too?
I'd say you've really lost it, Snow
Pray, tell, how messed up are you?
You have some issues, Snow, teenagers like us ought to know
We're young, naïve and free, yet we need to calm us down some
And what's this vow about us happily ever after?
There's lots of things for us teens to do instead together
I really think you and your stepmom need each other
Or maybe you just feel she's such a bugger
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
Before you do a crime; I don't want to see you spend some time
I feel your will's so brittle, I'm glad I've known you but Snow?
Why have you gone mad? Hope you understand, I just don't have that ample time
I just don't want you to do some crazy things
Been told this past week the apothecary took a hag who's injured sick
Some princess shoved her mother over a cliff
Screaming obscenities; really drunk, it looks she's wrought with grief
And in the bag there was a scroll, but there's nothing addressed to
Come to think about it, her name was... it was you
Dang!