Chorus:
They've bottomed out, I'm wonderin' why I'm watching this at all.
You know MTV never shows any videos at all.
And even if they did they'd probably be so lame that they'd make my tears fall.
It'd be okay if they'd just play "Bad", they'd just play "Bad".

Dear MTV, what's up? You guys are ballin'.
I say that even though I wonder why you've done what you've done.
You used to show videos that were fun, but now you guys show none.
You must be having problems with your scheduling or somethin'.
I wish you'd show "Cult of Personality". I love that one,
But never mind that. I think this channel's really great.
I watch it each waking hour. Each night I stay up late.
I think it's great to watch all the artists
Both well-known and obscure.
I really like that Cribs show of yours. It's the bomb.
It was cool to see inside Ludacris's house and all that.
I just wish you'd show more Culture Club 'cause I'm a big Culture Club fan.
I'd like to see some Talking Heads, too. That's one groovy band.
Thanks a lot for showing that 100 Pop Song List, man.
I really liked "Billie Jean", too. That video was tight.
You don't show it much anymore, but you guys are still all right.
Truly yours, this is K., a music fan.

Chorus

You guys just don't show videos
Although you have the chance.
I'm not mad. I just think it's wack you don't respect your fans.
If you don't want to show any Billy Joel videos then
You don't have to but you could show vidoes from
Weird Al or U2.
I just love those guys, man. Their songs are really dope.
I watched your "music video channel" for twelve hours
but no videos.
You don't even show anything from Billy Idol.
Show Bon Jovi for my friend Liz. She likes
them more than I do.
I'm a bit mad 'cause you won't show "Rhythm Nation".
That video rocks! Seeing it would fill me with elation.
You said you'd play cool videos, so where are they?
I haven't caught "The Real World" fever.
I'm not too thrilled about that "Road Rules" show, either.
What I like is listening to the artists and songs.
It always brightens up my day. I drift away when they come on.
When you show great music videos, you cheer me
If I'm depressed.
I have "I want my MTV" tattooed across my chest.
I slash your logo on my arms to see just how it feels.
It's an adrenaline rush. The pain makes everything seem so real.
Music videos are my life, so I worship you
When you show them.
My best friend Nick's a Pearl Jam fan. Please show something by them for him.
If not, then show some Everclear. I think he'd like that.
For years you promised to play videos. You should play some, then.
Show the stuff you promised, man. I'll be the greatest fan
You'll ever know.
Sincerely yours, K. PS : What's up with that Osbourne show?

Chorus

Dear Sirs and Madams at the Sell-out Network,
This'll be the last letter I ever send you jerks.
You never show videos. Don't we fans
deserve it?
If you guys had just shown "Sledgehammer" then
Everything would've been perfect.
So here's poison pen letter to you. I hope you dig it.
I'm at my desk now. I've been snorting Strawberry Chapstick.
I'm writing while in a Minute Maid orange soda high.
You know that Culture Club song called "Karma Chameleon",
About a thing that was really great at first but in the end
It wasn't? So then Boy George had to say his piece about it?
That's just how this is, man. You turned out to be a lousy thing.
You've bottomed out. I think this channel's crummy now. It's boring.
You know that all I wanted were some awesome videos.
I've had it up to here with all your lousy, stupid shows.
I would've loved you guys if you'd only shown "Roam" sometime.
You mugs have blown your chance. You could have shown something by Dream sometime,
And when you were done with Dream, you guys could have shown "Scream" sometime.
I want everyone to know that I don't want my MTV.
See guys (popping bubble sounds) Hang on. Let me turn this down some.
Hey, MTV, that's VH1 I have on.
Pop-Up Video's the bomb!
They show some great stuff, man. They're not like you.
They have rock videos and rocking shows,
and they play U2.
Well, I'm almost done. I just have to go and-
Ouch! Uh, oh. I just pricked my finger on my gel pen. That's not good.
(ambulance sirens, MTV theme, explosion)

Chorus

Dear K., thanks for you patience. Things have just been busy lately.
You made a request for Nick. We won't show him "Jeremy",
But we'll show him "Wonderful". It's better than nothing.
We'll play "Dead or Alive" for your friend Liz. It'll be
On sometime in spring.
We're not showing videos because we want to try something new.
Don't think we're showing only reality shows just to bug you.
And what's this about you
Slash our logo on you?
You're taking fan worship too far.
Just how messed up are you?
We think you need help, K. You love videos way too much.
It's been a long time since such an
Obsessed fan has written us.
What's this about we don't show great stuff like we used to?
We're starting to rethink this no video policy
After getting complaints from all over the country.
People are saying we've bottomed out somewhat,
That we're all some commercial wack-butts.
We didn't want people mad at us.
We didn't want fans like you to get uptight
And make a fuss.
You implied we'd broken a promise. We're sorry you feel that way.
Please don't get so mad. Please try to understand that we don't want
Our fans
To get frustrated and do something crazy.
We saw this story on the news a couple weeks ago
That gave us chills.
Some girl got mad and was writing a letter and
Died from blood poisoning. She had pricked her
Finger on her gel pen.
And on her desk they found the letter, but I'm not sure who
it was to.
Come to think about it . . . her name was . . . it was you.
Crud.